Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Here we go again...

I didn't think I'd O this soon after my AFC count last week, but if my body does one thing, it's ovulating.  So, I was surprised to find my familiar about to O cramps on my left ovary yesterday and an OPK revealed a near positive.  I knew today would be positive and sure enough this morning:

So here we go again.  I'm not so bold as to think I'll actually get a BFP, but at least my body is returning back to normal.  I'm seeing my acu today and my goal is to try and get my body as regulated as possible so that a medicated treatment this summer will work and I'll try naturally in the meantime in case there's some sort of miracle.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The Fourth Trimester

The first three months of a newborns life are often called "The Fourth Trimester", since newborns are still very much in the womb with the way the act and relate to the world.  They have day/night confusion and don't interact much.  Their entire world consists of eating, sleeping, and eliminating.  As you get closer and closer to the 3 month mark, there is more and more interaction.  They start to "wake up", so to speak.

For the first two weeks of Kate Lyn's life, she was nearly always sleeping.  She'd wake up to eat and go right back to sleeping.  After two weeks, anytime she wasn't asleep, she was crying.  I was told she had "colic", 'cause most of her crying was in the evening and night.  It was pretty much all night long too.  When she was six weeks old my mom was over at my house and saw some of this "colic" behavior, well, she told me to call the pediatrician that something wasn't right.  The pediatrician told me that what I thought was colic was actually reflux.  I got her on meds and we had to play with them all the way even until last week.  She'd be okay for about a week or two and then it would come back.  Be gone and come back, right now she's on prevacid solutabs and also Zantac to help manage it and it's going pretty good at the moment.  I hope she's able to grow out of it.

Once the meds were under control the extreme crying and screaming stopped.  At week 8 I went back to work and she seemed to have days and nights better.  I'd wake up a few times in the night to feed her and right back to sleep.  Anytime she was awake though she was still not very happy, didn't smile or interact much.

A huge change occurred at week 11.  She suddenly started being more aware, she started looking at things, tracking, smiling, and starting to enjoy stuff.  Now we're at the 3 month mark, 13 weeks tomorrow and she's doing these very consistently, although when she's tired she still gets upset, but I love the new interactions that are taking place.

She's also gained a good amount of weight, so I've begun dubbing her "my little chunker".  I love this girl with all my heart.  She is absolutely the light of my world.

Here's her pictures for the first three months:

You can really see her fill out and start to change and become a baby.  It's sad to see start to grow so much already, she's in 6 month clothes, but I love watching her grow more and more each day.

Here are some of my other favorite photos of her:

I'm excited to see what the next few months bring.  I've also begun very actively TTC.  Try as I might, breastfeeding didn't quite work out like I hoped.  I saw a lactation consultant, took many supp's and meds, and pumped, but I just couldn't produce more than one bottle a day.  It was taking too much time away from her, from sleep, from other things so I've stopped.  I saw my RE on the 12th and unfortunately I have an AFC of 3!!  My AMH is being rechecked, but the plan is to just try naturally until summer and then go back to treatments.  Maybe I'll get lucky again and be able to give her a sibling.  I do hope so.  I'm meeting with my RE on 4/2 to discuss all my labs, so I'll go from there.  I hope I get AF between now and then too.  My RE things I'll O in the next couple of weeks so I've temping and will start on OPKs soon.  I'm back to seeing my acu too.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Wow! One month?

I can't believe that just over a month ago my precious girl was born.  In some ways it seems like I've always been her mom, that she's always been here and on the other hand, is this really real?

So, how's it going?  It's going pretty good for the most part.  She is an amazing and wonderful baby.  At this stage she sleeps most of the time and this is what she did easily the first 3 weeks.  She woke up about every 2-2.5 hours exactly to be fed and changed, but otherwise she slept.  At week 3, things changed a little bit.  Something happens to my princess early evening somewhere around 6:30ish, where she has a harder time falling asleep and she cries a lot more, it increases until the dreaded 2:00 am mark.  At 2:00 am, it is very hard to recognize that she is the same baby I know during the day.  She can't sleep, she screams, she won't eat, just nothing makes her happy.  She is extremely upset and not much can be done.  I've held and rocked her for a while leading up to 2:00 am and a bit after before finally falling asleep.  It seems everything I do made it worst, not better, until a conversation with my sister.  I was describing my amazing baby to her and saying how I'm lucky she doesn't have Colic or anything like that.  Then I was describing the night and she goes, um, sounds like Colic to me.  Colic?  I thought Colic was your baby screaming all the time and never stopping.  Turns out I was wrong, Dr. Google says Colic is crying even when all your needs are met (so no apparent reason) for at least 3 hours a day for 3 weeks.  It happens around the same time each night-for her leading up to 2:00 am.  Hmmm.....  Now what?  Well, threads, forums, and women who've come before me said, stop stimulating her so much.  The "soothing" I'm doing for hours isn't helping, you need to leave her be.

To hear my baby cry, breaks my heart.  I want to go hold her and give her the world.  Unfortunately, with Colic, I'm doing worse by holding her so much.  The new plan is we swaddle and lay her down.  She has 10 minutes to calm down if she's crying, if 10 minutes has passed and still crying, then I go back in and rock her, offer more food, try to burp, etc to make sure he's okay, then I try again with the sleep.  So far in the past few days since I've discovered this, only twice did she go above the 10 minute mark and once I went in there and resettled her, the crying stopped.  The nights are much better, she is sleeping more and is happier.  It takes her on average 4-6 minutes to stop crying.  If the crying is bad, like she is screaming, I go in immediately.  I don't want to overstimuate her, but I don't want her to suffer, to think no one's there, etc.  I love this little girl.  Luckily Colic tends to go away by 8-12 weeks and we'll be 5 weeks tomorrow.

I am very lucky, a lot of parents have children with Colic that is much worse.  I've seen much worse, which is why I didn't think she had it.  I love holding her, gazing at her, I could stare at her for hours-and I do.  The worst part is that my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end-only 3 more weeks.  I am leaving her with my mom, so at least that's good, but my heart breaks that I have to go back to work.  I wish financially I could afford to only work part-time, but I can't.  At least I work in a school district and my hours aren't so bad and I have frequent breaks/vacations.

On January 16th, I saw my OB for my 1 month postpartum visit.  I talked to him about TTC #2 right away.  He said I should be fine in a couple of months-that he wants to do some bloodwork at my next appt to check my hormone levels and if everything looks good I can try again right away.  My stitches have not fully healed, I had a pretty good tear, so no nooky with the hubby right now, he said not until right before my next appointment.  Not great news for my husband, lol.  Otherwise everything is going great.  CD 1 was yesterday, so my body seems to have returned itself back to normal.  I will be temping and using OPKs this cycle to see if I O, even though it's an "off" cycle.  Hoping next one will start TTC again.  I honestly don't think I can conceive naturally, but I plan to try anyways and then see the RE this summer, mid to late summer if nothing.

My biggest fear, before infertility, was postpartum depression.  In the past I've been prone to depression and I was pretty sure this would happen.  Women with infertility often have a higher risk of postpartum depression due to being a normal exhausted new mom who's overwhelmed with a newborn and also then dealing with the fact that you wanted a baby more than anything and some days it just gets hard, you feel guilt.  I am very lucky-not even a hint of the baby blues.  I have been myself since day 1 and none of that has been any issue at all.  I am tired and exhausted, but happy and seriously, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So, here's some baby pictures!!  Here's her official one month photo:

Her professional newborn pics came in to.  I just finished doing her birth announcements, so hopefully those are in soon so I can mail them out.  Here's some of my favorites from her newborn shoot at 4 days old:

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Postpartum update

Kate Lyn is 17 days old today!  I can't believe how the time is going by!  So, how's it been going?

Well, Katy is a wonderful baby.  I am so lucky she doesn't have colic or anything like that.  She's been having some issues with gas, but it's getting better after changing up her formula a bit and adding some gas drops and keeping her on her tummy more after eating, etc.  She's gained some weight and is now 7 lbs 2 oz.  The gas is making her upset and she's up a lot at night and some during the day with it, but hopefully it gets better.  I'm tired, naturally, but honestly cannot complain since she's so amazing.

The only other issue and this has nothing to do with her, is breastfeeding.  I had a massive reduction back in 2002, where 12 lbs of tissue were removed.  I was a size II and they brought me down to a D.  I always knew I would struggle and sure enough I am.  I am taking supplements and pumping regularly.  Nursing didn't work out because I wasn't producing enough, she had issues latching, and then she wasn't even being rewarded once she did latch, so I spent all day trying to nurse and her screaming and it turned into a negative time for us both when I just wanted to bond with her, so bottle feeding and pumping has worked best.  I currently pump about 3 oz a day.  This is nothing, 3 oz is about one feeding for her.  So I pump all day long and it's gone in one feeding, which we usually do at night.  I'm continuing with the supplements and hoping it gets better, but some milk is better than none.

My post op appt with my OB is on 1/16 and at that appt I'll talk to him about the fact that I want to TTC as soon as it's safe to do so.  I'm not very confident in a natural or quick BFP, but I plan on trying.  I'll probably blog more about that once I start.  The plan is to go back to the RE mid to late summer if no BFP so I can do medicated treatments again. 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

The "Birth"day

I should have known....  I don't know why I didn't think realize it before, but I didn't, but I should have known that my Kate Lyn would make her appearance on non other than my 33rd birthday.

Kate Lyn was born on 12/16/2013 at 8:21 am, 6 lbs. 11 oz, 17.75" long.  She is as healthy and as beautiful as can be.  Here's her birth story:

Last Sunday (wow, was this really almost a week ago?), my mom wanted to take me out for the day to celebrate my birthday, which was Monday 12/16.  She figured I wouldn't be able to do much on Monday due to work and just being tired with the end of the pregnancy and everything.  DH was sick as a dog.  He woke up around 3:00 am with some kind of stomach flu/virus and was puking his guts out. So he was in bed and before I headed otu to see my mom his last words to me were, don't go into labor today...
My mom took me to see Frozen, since I heard good things and wanted to see it.  We sat down for the movie and I, of course, had to pee.  I go to the bathroom, pee and then I stood up.  As I'm leaving stall I feel a woosh of water in my pants.  I check it out and I'm defintely soaked.  I'm freaking out a little bit and I wash my hands go back into the theater and very shakily tell my mom my water broke.  She asked me how I felt, I said fine, normal, no contractions or anything.  She said it will take a little bit for labor to start and we should probably watch the movie to help distract me anyways.  So, yes, I sat and watched Frozen, lol.  After the movie my mom suggested we go ahead and eat because once I get to the hospital there would be no eating until she was born.  As long as I was sitting I didn't leak, but when walking I did.  I had a sweater wrapped around my waist and ate lunch.  After lunch I went to Petsmart to stock up on cat food because I knew I'd need people to take care of the cats while I was in the hospital.
I got home around 3ish (water broke at 11:00 am).  I went to my poor sick hubby who hadn't moved a muscle from bed and asked how he was doing.  He said horrible.  And I said, well, I'm sorry, but my water broke and we're going to have to get ready to go soon.  He kept asking if I was joking and I was like, no, this is for real.  He got up and had a shower and I was pretty calm and trying to remind him of things to pack and get and helping do most of it since he was so sick.  I fed cats, put away the cat food, straightened up a bit around the house.  At this point I had shoved a huge towel down my pants as the leaking was horrible.  We were finally ready to go and headed to the hospital.  At this point still no contractions, but a mild backache.
Arrived at the hospital at 5:15.  Their strip test thing was unable to confirm my water broke.  I stayed in triage for a while and the water was piling up so they admitted me after chastising me for waiting so long to get in.  I was informed of who the oncall OB was and that my OB would be there at 7:00 am the next day.  Since by this time it's almost 7:00, I knew my OB would be delivering her on my birthday.  They waited for labor to start on its own, but it never really did.  When  I checked in I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced.  By 12:30 am I was 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced.  By 1:30, no progress and I was told they had to do pit, that my water had been broken over 12 hours at this point.  
I tried to do natural, mostly because the thought of a needle in my spine scared me more than the thought of natural labor.  I'm not afraid of needles at all, with one exception, when I can't see you stick them in me.  I'm a watcher.  
The nurse was a complete and utter bitch.  My mom and sister and David were there.  I wasn't allowed to walk around, except for one time for 30 min (which is how I went from 4 to 5 cm).  She kept increasing the pit sneakily because my sister is a nurse and kept questionining thing she was doing.  She also kept asking if I was ready for the epi now, over and over again and getting annoyed I kept saying "no".  Somewhere in the night due to her constant increases of pit, I went from a pain level of say 6 to a pain level of what I considered "10".  Contractions were on top of contractions, I mostly felt it in my back.  My sister had me flip on al 4s while she applied counter pressure to my tailbone.  Contractions were lasting 1.5 minutes with one minute in between them.  I couldn't catch my breath and I was crying uncontrollably.  At 5:00 am when the nurse said, "now are you ready for the epi?", I said yes. I was 7.5 cm dilated at that point, I'd been in the hospital now for about 12 hours and only gone 3.5 cm.  Epi came at 6:00 am, the guy was as an asshole.  He told everyone to just "get out", without explaining it was just hospital procedure.  He was yelling at the nurse, I've been waiting for her to call me for hours, what happened, and the nurse did an eye roll and siad she was trying to go natural, and then he had an exasperated sigh.  I'm crying the whole time, 'cause bitch couldn't turn the pit down for even a few minute to make this easier on me. Somehow I was still enough to get the epi put in.  Relief was NOT immediate.  Guy just stormed out, I'm still crying in pain, and all he told my family was 'she'll be fine in about a minute".  The epi made me naseous, which is typical with me and anesthesia. So demeral was put in my IV as well, which made me very sleepy and I could hardly keep my eyes open.  Around 8:00 am I was 10 cm and ready to push.  I pretty much had to be woke up.  I was in between wake and sleepy from 6-8 and none too happy.  My OB showed up and told me to push.  He was awesome!  He was really nice, calm, friendly, just what I expected from him.  He had me push and kept encouraging me.  At 8:21 on 12/16, my Kate Lyn was born. 
Daddy cut the cord and  was as proud as could be.  I was handed her as soon as my OB finished stitching me up.  I had a 2nd degree tear, but otherwise was okay.  I am more than happy to share my birthday with this perfect little angel.
That last walk in the hospital 

Daddy cutting the cord

Holding my precious girl

New family :-)

Going home outfit

My husband got me this necklace to commemorate her birth.  The first stone is a blue topaz-December birthstone.  The second stone is Purple Tanzanite, this is another December birthstone.  My husband wanted her to have her own.  The last stone is Garnet, January birthstone, for my husband.
She's so cute!!!

Maternity Photo Shoot

A week ago I got the maternity pictures we took.  I'm posting some of our favorites.  These were taken 11/16/13 at 36w4d

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Family tragedy

I want to apologize for not keeping up with my comments.  I've been reading and blog stalking here and there, but have been unable to comment, though I'm working on getting there.

Thursday was a good day, went to the OB, found out I was now dialated to a full 4 cm and cervix 80% thinned out.  Back to the verge of active labor, great news for a 38w2d.  The OB even thought this last weekend she might come, but it was looking good.  Weight, blood pressure, Katy's heartbeat, etc, nothing could be better.

Two hours after this appointment I hear from my sister-my dad is not doing well.  He was found unconscious that morning and the ambulance took him to the ER.  The ER was sending him to ICU.  He was septic and unresponsive, and possibly/probably had MRSA as well.  My sister promised to keep me updated.  A few hours after that the hospital called my sister and told her you probably want to come up today, it's not looking good.  Now, my dad is king of pulling a rabbit out of a hat.  We used to joke he had more lives than any cat I ever met, or heck even all of them put together.  He had so many health issues the fact that he was still alive was a medical marvel in itself.  He loved life and no matter what was happening to him, he loved to joke around.  He had a major surgery this past July and we were all so sure he was going to pass at that time, he needed his entire large intestine reconstructed since it died.  He not only survived, but when he woke up he was bitching about his liquid diet and wanting food.  Only my dad!

Anyways, the hospital is about an hr. and a half to two hours from me-in good traffic.  I could have my baby at any minute.  My sister didn't want me to make the trip if I didn't have to.  She told me she'd go check it out and keep me updated.  They decided to take him down for testing, we're now late at night on Thursday.  His heart stopped on his way to get x-ray/cat scan.  They were able to restart it and get him back to his room..... for 10 minutes.  His heart stopped again and they tried for a long time to revive him, but couldn't.  He was pronounced dead at 3:35 am on 12/6/13.  Unfortunately my sister had to handle the brunt of it and it kills me she was in that hospital alone, even though she's an RN nurse, and having to make the call that they've done all they could it was time to let go.

It's been a roller coaster and me praying that my daughter holds tight until after the funeral.  I had some big contractions over the weekend, but no labor.  We've been trying to get everything situated at the same time as handling our emotions and everyone treating me like I'm breakable due to being this far along.  His death has been hard for me because I had unresolved issues.  My life was a made-for-tv movie and my relationship with him wasn't so good at the end.  I have guilt over our last conversation.  I have so many mixed emotions and feelings and things I need to sort from.  I did love my dad-very much.  This is why it's all been so hard for me.  The funeral is today at 2:00 pm.

All day yesterday I had major cramping in my back and since midnight tonight it's gotten a lot worse.  I don't know if this is just normal for me, or if this is a sign that she's on her way soon.  I really hope she can give me today, but she is a blessing and I don't believe a bad time exists for her arrival.  My next OB appt is this Friday if she hasn't arrived by then.