Friday, July 20, 2012

The story of Chase

 On May 4, 1994 the world received a precious gift.  It was the birth of a cat who would touch my very soul.  Chase joined my family in the summer of 1994 and between he and I, it was love at first sight. I was 13 years old.
This cat was my heart and my soul.  He was a part of me.  He was always with me, I had a bit of a hard childhood and during the challenging moments he was there to sit on my tummy and purr.  He had a gorgeous and musical purr, nothing like it heard since.  It is so hard for me to capture the magic that was that cat and put into mere words.  He was gorgeous.  I knew in high school that should I have ever a son, his name would be Chase. 
Chase came to college with me.  I actually snuck him into my dorm when I had to live in one and I would take him out in my duffle bag if I was suspecting dorm checks.  He came with me when I graduated and even though I met my husband in high school, Chase had to like him before I'd even consider anything serious.  My DH came to love Chase.
One day while I was driving in the car, this was about five years ago, I had a very weird feeling pass over me.  I suddenly knew that the year I conceived was the same year I'd lose Chase.  I can remember that moment like anything, I was driving my car and suddenly had goosebumps. It was unlike anything I can explain. 
I know a lot of people think I'm crazy, probably even the people reading this blog, but I just know that one day I'll have a son named Chase.  This journey has been hard for me because I keep looking for signs and anything related to Chase has much more meaning to me, like his birthdate, and even the date of his passing.  
Chase passed away September 26, 2011.  He was 17.5 years old.  He had trouble breathing and he looked thin.  I took him to the vet the Friday before he left us and was told he had air or something in his stomach, it was a weird mass.  He got a steroid shot to make him feel better and hopefully he could eat.  Saturday was a glorious Day.  Chase was energetic, eating, in a good mood, I spent time with him.  Sunday he wasn't doing so great again and by that night I knew I'd have to say goodbye.  I took him to the vet on Monday where I did indeed, say goodbye.  There was nothing to be done and the vet thinks he maybe had a tumor or a cancer growith either in his face or his stomach since those seemed to be hard areas for him.  He lost 3 lbs. between Friday and Monday and was very, very bony.  I always promised him and myself I'd never let that cat suffer, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
I know I haven't finished grieving for him and I haven't fully said goodbye.  On the sixth month date of his passing I was crying at work and yet again searching for acupuncturists when I came across a place I'd never seen before.  Turns out they specialize in fertility. They also knew my RE and my RE was having a free seminar at the acu clinic.  I visited the clinic and started treatment and attended the seminar.  I love that place and I know that Chase somehow guided me there.  I have done searches for acupuncturists for about two months prior to suddenly seeing this clinic that I had never seen before.
Again, I know this is crazy and I know no one reading this would truly get the essence of my Chase, but it has meaning to me and makes sense to me.  I miss him more than anything.

4 comments:

  1. Just started following you from the BC thread for blogs. This is such a bittersweet story. I completely get the essence of your Chase. I had a Harley just like him. Except of course, she was a she, I got her when I was 16 and lost her to cancer when she was 16. They truly can be your heart and soul, can't they?! Wishing you a lots of luck on your TTC journey!!

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  2. I bet more people can relate than you think. I had a dog that we got when I was 18 months old that saw me through some of the worst years of my life and passed away when I was 13. When I had Salmonella poisoning once that lasted for almost a week, she slept right by my bed and wouldn't even leave my side to eat. The only time she left was to wake up my mom when my fever got so high that I woke up in the night having hallucinations. I totally believe our beloved animals are sent to us as friends and therapists, and it is never easy to lose one. Especially one so special that has been such a huge part of your life.

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  3. Thank you both for following me and for your support. I've met so many people who think my Chase connection is crazy. I have 3 other cats, but Chase was just a part of my soul and I know he's coming back to me. I can just feel it.

    I really appreciate you both commenting. Thank you!

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  4. Animals are such amazing creatures! I know how it is to have a car that is your heart and soul!!! I'm so sorry that you lost your sweet Chase but glad that he was there to bless your life and you his! He sounds like he was lucky to have you as his momma!

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