Sunday, August 26, 2012

11 months today

I can't believe it's truly been 11 months today since I said goodbye to Chase.  I'm not sure if anyone understands what he truly meant to be and how much my soul is missing without him.  I think about him every day.  My FB pic has been his pic since the day we said goodbye along with my desktop photo.  Every day I look for a sign or some meaning that he's there and I know he is.

I know he's very tied to my TTC journey and many think that's a bit crazy and twisted of me, but you have to be me to understand it.  This is something I felt years before TTC, his death, or anything I've been through in the past year.

I found my acu on the sixth month anniversary of his death.  I don't think it's coincidence as I'd done several searches for acu's in the area before.  I just gave it one more effort on that particular day.

Today is my cycle day 18, the same age he would be now if he was still here.  I am ovulating today.  Today is 11 months since we said goodbye.  Deep in my heart I am scared that I'm holding on to too much hope for something that isn't true, but another part of me just knows and remembers that I have to keep the faith.

Above all, what is meant to be, will be.


  1. I think it sounds like you are getting messages from your Chase and I hope that those messages come true soon! There really is research out there about human connection/companionship with animals so I don't think your crazy at all! I have my car Copper who to me is like your Chase to you, so I understand! Praying that Chase bring your the comfort you need on this ttc journey

  2. It sure sounds like a lot of signs to me that your time is coming soon! I'm sorry another month has passed since you said goodbye to Chase, but very hopeful you'll get your dream come true in a little one soon. You have such a positive attitude!