Yesterday was just a really bad day. I was so upset and depressed and just feeling done with TTC. I had a big, big meltdown when I got home. I was crying so hard and just so hurt inside. DH was great, of course, he gave me a huge hug and held me. Then we talked about where to go next. We had said before we'd give acu the rest of the year and we really decided we will go ahead and do that. So, there will be 2 more full cycles in 2012 and then one cycle that will start mid-Dec (prolly start right on my bday, knowing me) and end early January. So, today I made the call, I went ahead and called the RE and scheduled a consult to discuss options since I have had my ovarian reserve checked 3 times this year and we'll go from there. My appt is at 4:00 on 1/4/13. It's a week before AF is due so this gives me time to decide and then proceed. We are also going to look into adoption in January too as one of out options and see.
I just completed my 8th full acu cycle. By the time I start any kind of treatments or adoption, I would have had 11 acu cycles. I think that's sufficient time to give it a try and say that while there have been improvements there's been no baby and maybe I need more help. For now I'll continue and maybe a miracle will occur, but I don't believe it. I believe I'll be sitting in the RE's office on 1/4. DH is coming with me to the appt so we can decide together where to go next.
After I got done crying, I drank a whole bottle of wine and watched my fave show Big Bang Theory. I feel sad about where I am in the process right now, but okay. I have to go to a babyshwoer tomorrow for a very good friend and I'll go to Target in the morning and get the gift and then go and I'll be okay. Might come home and cry and drink, but for her I'll be okay. I was spotting this afternoon, so CD 1 will be tomorrow. This makes it my 21st TTC cycle. 21?! Am I really here?
I have acu on Tuesday, so I'll probably let him know the plan. I know what he'll say, your progesterone is low we'll target it, you're almost there, etc. I love my acu, I really do and I'm glad he's so hopeful, but I just don't see it.