Wednesday, October 10, 2012

DH Vent

I just need to vent on my husband real quick because I feel like I have absolutely no one I can talk to about this.  Let me start off by saying I have a great relationship with my husband.  He's actually my very best friend.  However, as anyone dealing with IF knows, especially if the one woman is the one with the IF, it all falls to us.

Taking temp, pills, powders, appt's, ultrasounds, tracking with cycle CD, peeing on OPKs, HPTs, etc.  I can't EVER forget I'm very actively TTC because I have to do something with it every single day.  What I need DH to do is be there when days are hard and I think I'll never conceive and when I say it's "go time", he's ready.

So, since CD 6 my left ovary has felt "pinchy".  I can def. feel it there and even when I had my CD 3 u/s the tech said I had better follies on my left.  So, here I am CD 10 and while my OPK is pretty light, I have EWCM.  We had sex "for fun" on CD 7.  So I told him on my way home from work that I wanted to go on an every other day (EOD) schedule until I get my +OPK starting tonight.  So, he asks if we can start tomorrow and I'm like why?  He says, because I already got off today.  Um, WTF???

I am pretty P'O'd about that. I actually don't typically care about that but this is getting close to "o time" here and I can't have that.  When I went off on him he told me well, you said O probably this weekend and so it's only Wed.  I need you to make out a sched for me so I know when you are going to O and we plan accordingly.

REALLY????  I would like to freakin' know when I'm Oing well ahead of time too, but I don't.  I don't get advance notice, just signs that it's "coming" and then "it's over".  When I get real close I can sometimes narrow the day, but I don't just know ahead of time when it will happen.  I also feel that if I say "this weekend" I'm going to O, then you are "hands off" for the few days prior to it, and yes, Wed counts in my book.

I know I'm probably over reacting, but I am just so incredibly mad!! On top of it I started a brand new job and the orientation is very far away from my house, I'm talking like 90 min. commute in rush hour.  So, I had a 12 hour day today between the driving, the orientation, and then having my TB skin test results.  I come home for a little bit before running to an HOA meeting.  He calls me while I'm on the road and wnats to know what to do about dinner.  Really???  You can't cook something?  Maybe have something ready for me.  I come home, are dishes done?  No.  They are waiting for me.  So, all I have time to do before my HOA meeting is feed cats, wash dishes, and then blog here because I am crying.  DH and I got into a fight over O and BD, so he's in his office with the door shut which if fine because I don't want to see him.  Also, we got extra border for this Halloween fence thing we're doing and naturally I have to put that up too.  Oh, and get up extra early tomorrow for that commute again.  I am so tired, fed up, and frustrated.

I pretty much told him to take this cycle and shove it.  I hate feeling this way, so negative and out of control.  I just don't know what to do about it this moment.  I just want to cry.  I know I'm exhausted since I had trouble sleeping since I was anxious about my job today.  Sigh.....  off to HOA meeting.


  1. DH's certainly don't have the mental connection to TTC that we do. It's a fact I've struggled with also. All I can say is get your cry out (I usually need that too!) then tomorrow start your BD'ing. Don't let this throw this cycle out the never know, it could be the one. I know it's hard when they don't "get" it...but we do, and I understand. Big hug to you.

  2. I can TOTALLY relate to the whole DH not getting it or not wanting to BD on the "right" days. Trust me. What I can tell you is it's not worth the fight. Remember, sperm live up to 5 days. You haven't gotten a +OPK. That's the MOST impt. time to BD. Waiting one day won't mess up the whole cycle. Believe me, I totally understand the frustration. One cycle I cried and yelled at DH about me doing all this stuff, doc, temping, OPK, meds, etc, etc... when he didn't want to BD or couldn't "finish." That next cycle I told myself it wasn't worth it. It just isn't. I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid. They are! But trust me, one day won't kill the cycle. Do it tomorrow. Big, big hugs.

  3. I agree men arent as into TTC as we women are. Sometimes I have those days were I feel like giving up on TTC cause DH dsnt seem 100% on board. I have tried to express myself to him but he either dsnt know what to say or dsnt get how much it affects me. And even if I yell saying I am done trying, in reality I will continue to do the things I do bc I want this more than anything. Sending hugs ur way and I hope u can get through this.

  4. DH knows the rules... when my cycle starts, it's on-demand only until after O... but it took us years to get here. i understand how mad you are, i've been there - but anger isn't going to help anyone out. for sure let him know how disappointed you are, but you're a team - your energy is better spent trying to figure out a solution that works for both of you.

    sometimes it feels like we're doing all the work and all they have to do is sit around and wait for us (or the dr) to say "GO!".

  5. Amber, I'm so sorry. You know I struggle with this as well, and I know it is a terrible feeling. DH also wanted me to make a schedule, and I tried to do one based on when I usually O, but as you said, you never know until the time comes! They really don't get it. I wish I had any words to make you feel better, but I know it will just take time to cool off.

  6. Man Amber, bad timing, huh? As if things weren't stressful enough with the new job this week. I'm so sorry! I'm hoping that DH cools off and apologizes and realizes that you need more from him right now. Wouldn't a crystal ball be wonderful so we'd always know right when we were going to O? I wish guys understood that obviously we want to know in advance too, but that is not always possible. Big hugs to you.

  7. Thank you all so much! DH and I talked and made up. OPK still - at CD 12, and we are going to start our BD schedule tonight. I'll post an update tomorrow, just exhausted right now, but you ladies are so awesome!