Sunday, November 18, 2012

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I knew better.....  I started feeling the tiniest of cramps in my abdomen, it's 8 DPO, so about that time.  I know exactly what's going inside of me right now, my body has realized there isn't going to be a baby even though it spend the last 8 days preparing for one and building up my uterus for it.  Now the progesterone is going, oh, never mind  and my lining is slowly going to break down.  I can actually see it as I type this.  Lab said I should have my progesterone results on Monday, so I'll post when I get them.

 For some desperate reason I had a need to go to the 8 ball website where I specifically typed in the question "Will I find out I'm pregnant Thanksgiving 2012?"  Naturally the answer is "my sources say no".  WTF is wrong with me that I would go do that?  Why deep inside is there still a shred of hope?  I hate it, hate it, hate it!  I just want it to go away so it won't hurt so bad when AF comes.  Why, oh why, does it have to hurt so bad??  Praying again to God to please just take away my desire for a baby and let me enjoy the life I have.

This evening I'll post my week 3 of "Be Thankful".  I have to admit, it gets harder and harder as the month goes on to do this, but I have to remember that even though this kills me, I still have so much to be thankful for.

4 comments:

  1. Big, big hugs to you Amber. I know it will work for you eventually and I think you still have a chance this month. 8dpo is still early and anything is possible. KMFX for ya!

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  2. I agree with Sarah. It's way too early to know for sure. You're on enough boards to know that a lot of girls think they're out because of all the cramps & pain going on and then BOOM! They get they're BFP. Oh, and don't trust that 8-Ball website. It told me the answer was definitely no when I asked it if my name was Darcy Hafler :)

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    1. Okay, that did make me feel better, LOL! I actually went and tried that myself after I read your comment and it told me "maybe". I guess I don't act like myself anymore. I actually counted how many days I've been ATTC, sigh...

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