Friday, December 21, 2012


In the end it's what I always knew it would be.  I don't know why I thought I would be special or different, but I did.  I didn't honestly think I'd be sitting here one year after my diagnosis still waiting and praying for this baby, but I am.

I had my consult today and even though I toyed around with the idea of injectibles, at the end I knew I'd be facing IVF.  The RE broke it down to me like this:

To keep trying naturally = 1-3% chance

Injectibles + TI (timed intercourse) = 7%

Injectibles + IUI = 20% chance

IVF = 70% chance

He based most of this on my age and he doesn't see DOR as the huge problem.  He said since all my labs come up normal, he actually considers me DOR/Unexplained.  Of course, IVF is under 12k for the procedure and then 17k with the meds, though I plan to try and get donated meds if I can.  I have zero insurance coverage, so starting int he new year it's save, save, save.  We will pinch pennies, I will push my Scentsy, DH is going to look for a better paying job, and I plan on searching grants and scholarships and maybe we could do this this year, maybe even by summer, but we'll see....

DH and I considered our five options very carefully:
1. Live child free
2. Continue trying naturally
3. Injectibles/IUI
4. IVF
5. Adoption

We decided that living child free was not an option, so we crossed those off.  We also decided that continuing to try naturally was the same as choosing to live child free, so that option is not available either.  For the cost and the chance injectibles and IUI doesn't make much sense.  I would actually try a round if I had any coverage for it, but since I don't, I mean a few of those is one IVF cycle.  So that leaves us with IVF and adoption.  We really want one child that is biologically ours, so for now we are looking at one IVF cycle.  If it doesn't pan out and there are no leftover embroys to do a FET (with DOR it is highly unlikely I'll have anything to freeze), then we will pursue adoption.

Until we can afford our next step, the road has ended.  No more acu as I need all that money, considering continuing with some of the supp's like the CoQ10 and inosotil for egg quality since that can help with IVF, but I can get those online.

I am sad, but I accept where I am.  I pray I can save up the money for this procedure.  My main concern is affording it and then it working.  DH is only concerned about the leftover embryos.  I tried explaining that my world is diff, there's not going to be any left over most likely.  He's picturing twins and tons of eggs in storage.  I told him no, I'm lucky to get one baby out of all of this.  By definition of what's wrong I won't have any left over, maybe, just maybe one or two, but that's a very unlikely scenario.  In any event, we did agree that we would see all embryos through, meaning we would do FET's in the future (my RE will only do two at a time) and give them all a chance.  We could never destroy them our donate them, so that is our choice.

I also realized that right now the earliest I'll be a mom is when I'm 33 because I can't save up that kind of money by March.  Of course, I am aware that miracles happen everyday and I know I "could" conceive naturally, but it isn't very likely and I'd rather save and find out I don't need it, then not save and have no options.


  1. Coming to terms with IVF isn't easy. We've been going through some similar feelings....trying naturally for us also equals living child free, and that just doesn't seem fair. You've been given some outstanding odds for IVF though! Wow! That is almost double the national average, so I would be excited about that. 70% is fantastic!

    I know it's also hard to think, "Did I just waste a whole year trying acu and herbs, when I would just end up here anyways?" I don't think you did. Now you know if you do IVF, that you DID practice due diligence and tried everything you could on your own. You will never have that ? in the back of your head on whether or not you could have done it on your own, and you've made the very best foundation possible for IVF to work BETTER than it would have if you'd just jumped right into it a year ago. Try to remember that, because you've done everything right!

    1. I am trying, unfortunately all I can think about it adding up everything I put into acu and thinking that's so much towards IVF. I don't believe his 70% rate, not among DOR patients. My AMH is very, very low. It was .24 in May and .36 in October.

  2. Even though you were expecting it, I'm sure this news was hard to hear. It's one thing when it's what your thinking, but it's another to hear the doctor actually say it.

    Have you considered a loan? I know it's not ideal, but from what I understand they have pretty good interest rates...and if you're planning to save anyway, you could just make the payments instead of saving? Just a thought...I'm hopeful for you!!

    1. I am going to try, but I doubt I will qualify. Unfortunately almost a year ago a rental house we owned was hit by a tornado and insurance played games with us and refused to give us enough money for the repairs. It was thousands and we couldn't afford it or re-rent it due to its condition so it's now in foreclosure. The house was not inspected well when we bought it and it had a foundation issue so we were unable to afford to repair it (think the cost of IVF for foundation repair) and you can't sell a house with a foundation issue, so we are pretty screwed. I do intend to try though.

  3. Amber,
    Glad that you finally were able to meet with the RE to get some answers and a gameplan. Hopefully this made you feel a little more in control. Although I remember how completely overwhelmed I felt after our first RE meeting, and finding out that IVF was our only option, it felt good to finally be making some decisions, having some options, and moving forward. Doing something felt way better than doing nothing. Try not to get too overwhelmed right not. Right, I know, so much easier to say than done. But really, the entire process is SOOOO stressful, just take one day and one decision at a time. That is really all you can do and the ONLY way you will keep any bit of your sanity in this process.

    I am rooting for you 100% and can't wait to follow your story as you move onto the next chapter. And this chapter, I know will be way better than the last!!!


  4. Big hugs girl- I'm rooting for you and I think you'll get there. FX, always. The decision making is worse than any of the procedures but at some point the right decision comes to you, ya know? Hoping that's soon for you. Muah!

  5. I know no one wants to go through IVF and its a difficult thing to come to terms with. I just feel that in the long run you will have a precious gift in your arms that will make you say, "I will do it all over again." **Hug**