Thursday, December 6, 2012

July

I know a lot of people both online and in real life that have recently found out they are pregnant.  All these people have one thing in common: They are all due in July.  I am happy for my friends who are pregnant because the real life ones I consider to be pretty good freinds and the online ones I consider not only good freinds, but hope that even with IF there can be a tomorrow and a baby.

I have my good days and bad days.  Days where I ask how things are going and want to absorb pregnancy as the outsider looking in.  Then there's the bad days.  The days where I just cry and cry and cry, because lets face it.  In July they are all going to be mothers and where will I be?  Will I even be pregnant?  I have to face the honest truth that I might not be. 

With the women who dealt with IF and are now pregnant, we still keep in touch becuase they don't feel part of the new club yet, they don't relate to other pregnant women yet, and while I know things will be fine for them, there's still the fear of the uncertainty 'cuase there is no control over what happens.  I am confident things will progress nice though and they will feel more and more comfortable with the "other side".

So, what happens in July?  What happens when they cross over from propsective moms to real mom's?  I imagine if I'm pregnant since I'll be joining them soon, they will be happy to cont talking to me.  What if I am not?  How will they feel about me and me about them?  What will happen?  Will the friendship dissolve because clearly I am not joining the new club?  I don't know why I'm worrired about this now, but I was talking on the phone with a friend who is due on July 4th and it just struck me.  July will also be two years of TTC, though I meausure my personal count by cycles, currently on 22.

So, what about this cycle?  I have no idea when I ovulated.  I do know that I did.  I think ti was either Monday or Tuesday.  I saw my acu at 2:00pm yesterday and he could tell I'd already O'd from the warmth of my uterus.  You are more than welcome to stalk the chart and share your opinion.  At least since I O'd early in my cycle AF won't start on my birthday, but a couple of days into it.  Maybe that's the way God intended so it won't hurt so bad. 

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/367a2d

12 comments:

  1. I am right there with you and totally get it. I was due this past July so for me, July has some significance too. I believe that your RE that you'll start seeing WILL have you pregnant by that 2 year mark and hopefully we'll be planning nursery's together! xo

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  2. I completely understand! I have these irrational issues with being mad at one couple for getting pregnant, while being overjoyed for another. It makes no sense. I've found the subject kids has gotten strange for my few friends that have gotten pregnant. The close ones stay close and the not-so-close kind of fall off the radar...and I'm ok with that. IF is such a hard issue and thankfully there are those of us out there that are still struggling just like you are! We can stick together! Yay for no AF on your b-day!!!

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  3. i find that once my friends and family moved into "kid-land", regardless of whether or not they struggled to get there, if they make the effort to talk to me about things that are important to me (and not all about their kids all the time), then i actually enjoy asking them about their kids. otherwise, we have little to nothing in common anymore and have no reason to even really speak.

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  4. I just have to tell you that no matter what happens with me in July, I hope that we'll continue to be friends, and I will not talk baby stuff on my end with you unless you bring it up, and I won't be upset if you don't. However, I don't think it will be an issue, because I really believe you'll be pregnant by then. I know this cycle has been a trickster for you, and I know it's painful to hear so many pregnancy announcements at once, and I can't tell you how much I think of you that you ever bothered to keep in touch with those who have gotten a BFP, because I know it's hard. It's even hard when it's someone who has tried and has struggled with IF, because you wonder why them this time and not you. I've been there, and I know it's a bad feeling that keeps you going back and forth between being hopeful and being upset. I just keep praying that it's your "turn" soon, because I hate that you have to be feeling all of this when you deserve to be on "the other side."

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    1. I can't tell you how awesome and considerate you've been since getting your BFP. My issue isn't so much "why her and not me", it's "why not me too". I've never had so many people I consider friends due in the same month and I do feel like it's a club I just can't get into. I'm used to working harder and longer than others in my same situation, but ultimately reaching my goal, but I honestly don't know. When a good friend of mine got preg in May (the one I was going to throw the baby shower for, but someone else did it), I was okay ultimately because I "knew" by he time the baby was born, I'd at least be pregnant. But I'm not and the baby is here. I feel like a shitty ass friend because I haven't been by to see the baby yet, but you know how bad it's been for the past two weeks and the baby was born just two days before AF came. I did buy the baby a little toy and then bubble bath, wine, and a cute wine glass for the mom and I plan to see her this weekend and apologize to her, but she'll understand. I am lucky that way.

      It's such a hard situation 'cause on the one hand I want to hear everything about it, but some days it just kills me to think that I'll only ever hear about it, I'll never get to be it either and I just want to be part of the same club and do this all together, if that makes sense.

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    2. I also hope you didn't find this blog post offensive, it was not my intention for a moment, just something that's been on my mind. I really and truly am so happy for you and I know things are going to go great for you and I love how supportive and understanding of me you've been.

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    3. No, I wasn't offended AT ALL! I have felt a lot of the same things, and I don't take it personally or think that you meant anything negative toward me. You've been a huge support for me. Plus, this is YOUR blog. You shouldn't feel like you need to worry about or sensor what you are feeling. You need a place to get it all out, and we are all here to support you!

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  5. I hear you girl. I have July 7th (first due date) and then July 30th (second due date) as big fat reminders that I can't seem to hold onto a pregnancy. I'm not looking forward to July either one bit right now, and like you, I'm already worried about how I will feel if I am not pregnant by then. It will also be two years of trying since seeking help from an OB & RE. I feel like the longer this struggle with IF goes on, the more each of my months are getting filled up with anniversaries of unhappy events. I hope and pray we will both be pregnant by then and can both be on the "other side" together!

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  6. I can't speak for the other "July'ers", but I hope that you know that I totally want to continue to be friends and keep in touch NO MATTER WHAT. I so appreciate your friendship and like I said before, I admire your strength, perseverance, and compassion for others. I completely understand the thought, "why not me too?". I've had that thought many times and it just plain stinks when you just want to celebrate with your BFP too.

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  7. I turn 30 in July and it marks that I will not be a mother before I turn 30 so I feel you and empathize with you. We will be mothers and maybe it will be in August or September (more likely October/November for me) but we'll get there and we'll be amazing at it because we had to wait for so stinking long! I'm so thrilled for Farra and so bummed for Emily :(

    Maybe we could all celebrate my 30th birthday :)

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  8. Amber- I totally relate and understand. I have a lot of friends due this spring and it's hard. I wonder about a lot of things too... will they invite me to their baby showers? Will I feel strong enough to go? Will I be pregnant before they conceive their 2nd... 3rd... etc child? It sucks. I have no advice and just want to say I understand and I'm rooting for you.
    Sarah

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  9. Hi! I just stumbled across your blog. I too understand the feeling of being left behind and how scary and sad it can feel. It's so hard sometimes to choose to be happy. I struggle with it. One thing I keep reminding myself is that just because someone else is having a baby it doesn't mean there are less baby's left for me. Hope somehow that helps you. It's something that helped something click in my mind. I also try to remember that all it takes is one cycle and things change dramatically. However,it's still so tough to watch families grow and yours staying the same size. I pray that when July comes you will be pregnant so that you won't have to worry about how you will feel and if not, I pray you will have strength to face it head on.

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