My brain knew that this cycle would be a failure. It knew it early on, I produced only ONE stupid follicle on Clomid that grew way too fast, barely got my trigger done, then the IUI from hell fiasco. Why the hell does my heart continue to hope?
My progesterone came back this morning, a mere 9.7. That's it! 50 mg of Clomid and progesterone drops and that's the best it can do for me. I guess I should at least be happy that my LP won't be too long and this cycle will be over.
I wish with all my heart that I could stop wanting children. I don't want to want them anymore. I don't want the hole in my heart, the pain that I feel, the dreams that I have, I just want it to go away. I want to be satisfied with my amazing husband, pets, and my job. I want to just be happy that I have friends, family, and my health, cause many people don't even have those blessings. I want to stop this, I just want it to go away. I don't want to feel this pain that I feel anymore. How do I make it go away? How do I make this stop?
On top of getting this awesome progesterone news today, I am also sick. I have some stupid crap that has been going around and finally landed on me. Nothing like being sick AND sad.