Monday, February 25, 2013

Feeling like crap

I have been on Metformin for about a week now.  At first I was mildly nauseous throughout the day with intermittent stomach pains.  I was started off on 500 mg with an increase every three days.  Yesterday was my first increase to 1500 mg.  Not sure what the deal is, but last night all night I had the worst stomach cramps and pains ever.  I hardly slept at all and even this morning my stomach is killing me.  It's going to be such a long day.

Also, while I'm trying to be optimistic, I just don't have it in me.  I just feel like nothing is going to work.  I feel like I will never, ever see the two lines on an hpt.  I just feel like I'm doing all of this for nothing.  Also, with starting injectibles next cycle, I am fully aware that I am now starting to come towards the end of my journey.  You only do a couple of cycles and then you are faced with IVF.  I have no idea how on earth I'd pay for IVF and even then, it's a chance, not a guarantee.  I just feel helpless right now and like I have no control.  I feel angry that I'm even here, in this place.  I feel bitter about it as well as just sad.  I feel like my husband and I are good people, why?  Why do I turn on the news to see people kill their children  beat their children, rape their children, etc.  Why do they have babies and where is mine?  I am not perfect.  I will make mistakes, but God, I will love that baby with all my heart.

Okay, enough of that.  So, my main diagnosis is called DOR and there is a lot of controversy on what it is, what it means, etc.  I found this video on pinterest and I think it explains really well what it is and how it affects fertility, etc.  Anyways, if anyone is interested, here it is: http://pinterest.com/pin/153544668517660505/

Last, but not least.  I applied for a really great job last Wednesday.  It is in my field of interest, has amazing hours (7-3), close to where I live, and best of all, complete IF coverage!  Including IVF.  I know it's a long shot for me to get this job since the requirements were a little vague (though I did meet them) and even the description was too.  I would absolutely love to work here though, so if I culd have some prayers, it would be great.

7 comments:

  1. Don't worry your stomach issues with the Metformin should go away. Mine too about 3-4 weeks after each increase. I hope it gets better for you! Good luck on the new job prospect! IF coverage is such a relief.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amber, I am sorry the Metformin is giving you stomach cramps. Hopefully your body just needs to adjust to it. I know the feeling of watching ppl who have kids and take them for granted. I believe that is the cause of my emotional rollercoaster too. Why? Is a question that I think many people ask and never get a respond to. Just hold to H.O.P.E (hold on pain ends) I will keep you in my prayers so you can get that new job you applied for. That would be awesome to have IF coverage. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anber, I'm sorry the meds are making you feel so crappy. Hopefully all the meds and crap-iness will ultimately lead you to that baby you want so badly and every single minute will be worth it!

    I enjoyed watching the video you posted. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing that.

    I wish you lots of luck on the potential new job. That would be AMAZING if you could get IVF coverage. Hopefully you don't need it!!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hope your body acclimates to the metformin soon so you don't have to be so miserable. It's hard to be optimistic when you feel like crud, and no one expects you to put on a fake smile if you don't feel like it.

    As for the job, remember last time you interviewed and thought for sure you wouldn't get an offer? Well well! I will be hoping and praying that you get this position, because having the IF coverage would go a LONG way in helping you feel a little better I'm sure. I really hope they'll take an interest and give you a chance to show them what an amazing person you are and how great you are at what you do!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Taking my Met in the middle of dinner seems to help. In fact, if I don't take in in the middle of dinner I just don't bother with it. I'm supposed to be on 1500mg too but I hardly ever take that much. Normally I take 1000mg, but if my stomach was particularly yucky from the day before's dose I will only take 500mg. Sometimes if I eat a large lunch with a high protein content I will take 500mg then to get me to 1500mg. Carbs definitely seem to make the symptoms worse. I hope you are able to adjust and the Met stops bothering you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate that you are feeling down on top of feeling crappy from the Metformin. I hope both pass soon, but I know the crappy feelings about IF don't stay gone, unfortunately. I am so proud of you for applying for this other job, and I don't think there is any reason you wouldn't get it! That would be such a blessing, and I'll be praying about it. As for wondering why it can't be you and your husband having babies instead of the assholes out there that don't deserve it, I know we all feel that way, and even though it doesn't make it any easier, just know that there is nothing wrong with feeling that way and that you aren't alone in that kind of thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so sorry you're struggling! I hope you get this new job...that would be great. I feel the same way even with IVF...something inside of me has very little hope that this process will work for me. You are not alone. Try to remember that. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete