Wednesday, November 27, 2013

And the pendulum swings again....

I have a feeling I am in for something else with this precious girl of mine once she's here, LOL!  She's been giving me quite the roller coaster this month.

So, 37 week appointment today.  First of all, I am TERM!  Yay!  Early term, but term nontheless.  I am doing great overall.  She's measuring perfectly, minimal weight gain, my blood pressure perfect, my blood sugar is perfect, her heatbeat is awesome, she's very, very active (ouch, but GOOD!).

My "magical" cervix today is back at 3 cm!!  I had a ton of contractions most of the day yesterday, I've been having some this morning.  My OB is pretty pleased, told me to take it easy for Thanksgiving, but she'll probably arrive sometime between now and her due date.  Hubby and I are about as ready as we're gonna be.

My insomnia has been horrible!!  I'm barely sleeping and just exhausted.  OB says it's normal for where I'm at, I guess I'm getting practice for what's coming soon.  :-)

My OB tried explaining what happened and said at 33 weeks when my brain sent labor signals, my body responded in kind by dilating.  With drugs and bed rest that signal was turned off and therefore my cervix retracted, like what happens after you give labor.  Now the signal has started again, so he thinks I won't need an induction or anything like that.

We'll see how this story continues to unfold...

Saturday, November 23, 2013

From one extreme to the other...

I went to my weekly OB appt last Thursday.  I was the last appt of the day.  I'd been having cramping and off and on contractions all week.  Pretty much I felt like I was going to start AF any second this whole week.  This was my first appt with my OB in quite a while.  Due to him being out of town and then all my back and forth to the hospital I hadn't been able to have a regular appt with him since all of this started.

So, he does a cervical check and to my amazement, he tells me I'm only 1 cm dilated and 10% thinned out.  Um, WHAT???????  I was hospitalized not that long ago, had countless drugs put through my body-my daughter's body.  I was on bed rest, I had to miss work, I've been through hell and back with everything and fear this whole month of November and you want to tell me I'm only dilated 1 cm at 36 weeks?

So, I'm in a lot of confusion and not 100% thinking straight.  So after he gives me the info, this is the convo:

Him: You are only dilated 1 cm and maybe 10% effaced.  Perfect for 36 weeks.
Me: Um, that's not what the hospital told me.
Him: What did the hospital tell you?
Me: That I'm 4 cm and 75% thinned out.
Him: Kinda chuckles, well I've only been doing this for 26 years, so maybe I don't know what I'm doing.
Me: I'm not saying you're not right, I'm saying this is what I was told.  (my mind is racing) I was hospitalized, put on magnesium, why?
Him: Well, if we suspect possible early labor and there's regular contractions we might put someone on magnesium for about 30 minutes.
Me: No, this wasn't 30 minutes.  I was admitted, I had magnesium in my IV for 48 hours, I had two steroid injections..
Him: Well, if we suspect early labor then we want to keep the magnesium going to give the steroid shots to protect the baby.

Then he scheduled me for Wed, the day before Thanksgiving, and said he'd do another check.  He never rushes me from appts, but he did that day and I was very, very confused.  I was also very upset, again, a lot of drugs have gone through my body this month, plus all the bed rest.  I've only now returned to work.

I did some research and posted on my boards and it turns out that the drugs and bed rest can shrink your cervix back.  Also, in general this can happen to some women, so in my case this seems to be exactly what happened.  My body went back to where it should be for 36 weeks.

On one hand I'm very grateful that my daughter won't be a preemie, on the other hand, now what?  Do I need to go back to acu?  Do I need to start doing other stuff to prep my body for labor?  Will this mean I'll end up needing an induction or c-section since my body randomly changes itself?  I don't know where to go from there-again.

Also, I'm just scared and freaked out.  I don't trust doctors, hospitals, nothing.  I'm half thinking of just having her at home, but I know I can't risk anything of the sort.  Too late to find a midwife or a natural alternative.  I just know it's not safe, it's not okay until she's in my arms, alive, breathing, healthy.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Nursery Reveal

I know I could use a few more wall decorations, but that will come in time.  For now....  Here's my Kate Lyn's nursery:








Tuesday, November 12, 2013

35 weeks

I can't believe I've made it to 35 weeks!  Thank you all so much for your prayers and good thoughts!

I had a follow-up OB appt yesterday with some really great news.  Because she had the steroid shots, she should be ahead in her development making her closer to a 36 week baby, rather than 35.  Since I made it a full week since the magnesium/steroids, much to everyone's surprise, the OB says I'm doing really awesome.  I've been moved to modified bed rest, from full bed rest, meaning I can do some light chores around the house, some walking, etc.  If I make this week without contractions or any issues, then I can return to work next week and be back to "normal" until I go into labor.  Really hoping I can work at least one more week because that would put me at 37 weeks and she would be "term".  As it stands already, the OB thinks there's very little chance she'd end up at the NICU at all.  So, I'm very, very happy right now.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Pity party for one

On Thursday night I had a horrible time sleeping.  I was very uncomfortable and in some pain.  I woke up at 5:00 am with contractions that felt pretty regular and were in high intensity than what I felt before.  I'd been having a hard time eating too, after every meal I ran to the bathroom to "clean out" my system.  With my OB back in town I called the office and they told me to go to the hospital since he was there doing a c-section.

Went to the hospital and they monitored me for a bit.  At first I had no cervical change, but after an hour I went from 3 cm to 4 cm and the contractions intensified some, but they weren't occurring at regular intervals and I didn't progress beyond the 4 cm.  They decided to give me injections of phenergan and demoral to relax my body so I would sleep and also they thought it would stop the contractions.  Their theory is that the pain of the contractions was stressing me and causing me to contract more, but without any real dilation or very slow dilation.  So they figured by giving me those it would knock me out and force my body to relax and we'd see what happens afterwards.  I came home and slept for about 4 hours.  I woke up for maybe an hour or two and went back to sleep for another 11 hours.  Woke up this morning just very groggy and depressed.  Heavy cloud of depression.

In my head I know I'm pregnant, I know there's a baby coming soon, even sooner than I anticipated.  In my heart it's dead.  I feel like I'm never going to hold my little girl that I'm trapped in some ongoing nightmare.  In the hospital I could hear sounds of excitement as babies are being born, people are holding them, and even people in the same position as me who they decided to admit and break the water to help get labor started.  I wish that was me, I wish I was holding my little girl.  I know it's soon, but it doesn't feel soon.

I knew the last stage of pregnancy sucked.  I knew I'd be bigger, more uncomfortable, in a bit of pain, like hips, legs, back, etc.  I expected labor to be very, very painful, enough that I would cry or scream with pain and that it would go on for maybe 24 hours.  I was prepared for all that.  I wasn't prepared for early labor of that I'd be in labor for a week or longer.  That I'd have painful contractions for hours that would stop or that doctors would stop.  That I would feel strange things in my body all the time and never understand or know what's going on.  That the only explanation for how I know I'm in real labor is "you'll know".  I feel lethargic, out of it, and most of all just very, very depressed.

Oh, and my Chase Tree officially died today.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Update-Home on bedrest

Just wanted to do an update.  I made it through the two shots of steroids to help my girl's lungs develop better and I also made it through the hell that is Magnesium.  If anyone has ever had to have that stuff ivy'd into you, I am so sorry for what you must have experienced.  If you haven't, I sure hope you never do.

Yesterday I reached 34 weeks and they are not doing anything further to prevent her from coming.  They aren't accelerating it either, I'm at home on strict bed rest, but if she comes, she comes.  The hospital fully expects to see me any time now.   I left having regular contractions and just lots of pelvic pressure, but no "active labor" and my water is still intact.

I feel better being at home, although I'm not the sit still type, so this has been kinda hard for me, but I'm doing fine.  Anything for her.  All of this is worth it to have my healthy baby girl, I just hope it turns out as good as it plays out in  my head.

Right now my personal goal is to make it until Friday, at the minimum, when my OB will be back.  I hope he's able to be the one to deliver her and just seeing him and getting his input will help me.  It's hard dealing with on-call doctors, I felt like no one really cared.  They had their own patients, and then there was me, and no one wanted to deal with it.

My husband's job is awesome and is letting him work from home the rest of the week, so he's here with me and checks up on me and gets me anything I need.  I really appreciate all of your love, thoughts, and prayers during this time.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Hospitalized

All weekend I have felt contractions. I felt them off and on all day Satirday as DH and I rushed to get what we could ready for Kate Lyn. Sat night I had a lot of lower back pain and I lost my mucus plug with "bloody show". I wondered if I should call OB or go to the hospital and I decided to just go to sleep. Woke up Sunday really early without much change. I started feeling cramping and more contractions and mid-morning called on-call OB who told me to lay on my left side and drink water if no change, go to the hospital. 30 min later was at the hospital where I had a lot of regular contractions and dilated to a 3.

I was admitted on bed rest along with a magnesium drip to try and stop labor along with steroids to help her lungs develop. An ultrasound at the hospital shows her weight at 5lbs 0 oz and head down. I am here for minimum 48 hours and will go from there. At that time I'll be 34 weeks.

The magnesium makes me feel like shit, but anything for my little girl. If you have a moment please say a prayer for us or a good thought. Thank you!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

November

It never for a second crossed my mind that my princess could be born in November. With an EDD of mid-Dec all I could think was one day that month, but yesterday I found out otherwise.

I made an appt with the OB, mine is out of town on vacay until Thurs 11/7, to just talk about what's going on and what I can do. On Thurs night I had a lot of contractions and was thisclose to going back to the hospital. After talking to me and then checking I was now dilated to almost a 2 and told that my cervix and all that is telling her I'm ripe for delivery at any moment. She predicted Kate Lyn will be here by Thanksgiving. That everything that needs to be done so I can bring her home must be done now. So that is a lot of what I'm doing this weekend.

On Tuesday I'll be 34 weeks and I am so close to being full-term but not quite. I hope Katy can hold out towards the end of the month, but I'll be ready when she is and right now all I can do is pray and be prepared.

I am scared but I am beyond lucky and I don't forget that for a second. Lucky to be pregnant at all, lucky to have a great support system, lucky that she's made it this far and while Nov is earlier than it should be, she should be born healthy and just need a little help.

Please keep us in your thoughts if you can.