Sunday, January 19, 2014

Wow! One month?

I can't believe that just over a month ago my precious girl was born.  In some ways it seems like I've always been her mom, that she's always been here and on the other hand, is this really real?

So, how's it going?  It's going pretty good for the most part.  She is an amazing and wonderful baby.  At this stage she sleeps most of the time and this is what she did easily the first 3 weeks.  She woke up about every 2-2.5 hours exactly to be fed and changed, but otherwise she slept.  At week 3, things changed a little bit.  Something happens to my princess early evening somewhere around 6:30ish, where she has a harder time falling asleep and she cries a lot more, it increases until the dreaded 2:00 am mark.  At 2:00 am, it is very hard to recognize that she is the same baby I know during the day.  She can't sleep, she screams, she won't eat, just nothing makes her happy.  She is extremely upset and not much can be done.  I've held and rocked her for a while leading up to 2:00 am and a bit after before finally falling asleep.  It seems everything I do made it worst, not better, until a conversation with my sister.  I was describing my amazing baby to her and saying how I'm lucky she doesn't have Colic or anything like that.  Then I was describing the night and she goes, um, sounds like Colic to me.  Colic?  I thought Colic was your baby screaming all the time and never stopping.  Turns out I was wrong, Dr. Google says Colic is crying even when all your needs are met (so no apparent reason) for at least 3 hours a day for 3 weeks.  It happens around the same time each night-for her leading up to 2:00 am.  Hmmm.....  Now what?  Well, threads, forums, and women who've come before me said, stop stimulating her so much.  The "soothing" I'm doing for hours isn't helping, you need to leave her be.

To hear my baby cry, breaks my heart.  I want to go hold her and give her the world.  Unfortunately, with Colic, I'm doing worse by holding her so much.  The new plan is we swaddle and lay her down.  She has 10 minutes to calm down if she's crying, if 10 minutes has passed and still crying, then I go back in and rock her, offer more food, try to burp, etc to make sure he's okay, then I try again with the sleep.  So far in the past few days since I've discovered this, only twice did she go above the 10 minute mark and once I went in there and resettled her, the crying stopped.  The nights are much better, she is sleeping more and is happier.  It takes her on average 4-6 minutes to stop crying.  If the crying is bad, like she is screaming, I go in immediately.  I don't want to overstimuate her, but I don't want her to suffer, to think no one's there, etc.  I love this little girl.  Luckily Colic tends to go away by 8-12 weeks and we'll be 5 weeks tomorrow.

I am very lucky, a lot of parents have children with Colic that is much worse.  I've seen much worse, which is why I didn't think she had it.  I love holding her, gazing at her, I could stare at her for hours-and I do.  The worst part is that my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end-only 3 more weeks.  I am leaving her with my mom, so at least that's good, but my heart breaks that I have to go back to work.  I wish financially I could afford to only work part-time, but I can't.  At least I work in a school district and my hours aren't so bad and I have frequent breaks/vacations.

On January 16th, I saw my OB for my 1 month postpartum visit.  I talked to him about TTC #2 right away.  He said I should be fine in a couple of months-that he wants to do some bloodwork at my next appt to check my hormone levels and if everything looks good I can try again right away.  My stitches have not fully healed, I had a pretty good tear, so no nooky with the hubby right now, he said not until right before my next appointment.  Not great news for my husband, lol.  Otherwise everything is going great.  CD 1 was yesterday, so my body seems to have returned itself back to normal.  I will be temping and using OPKs this cycle to see if I O, even though it's an "off" cycle.  Hoping next one will start TTC again.  I honestly don't think I can conceive naturally, but I plan to try anyways and then see the RE this summer, mid to late summer if nothing.

My biggest fear, before infertility, was postpartum depression.  In the past I've been prone to depression and I was pretty sure this would happen.  Women with infertility often have a higher risk of postpartum depression due to being a normal exhausted new mom who's overwhelmed with a newborn and also then dealing with the fact that you wanted a baby more than anything and some days it just gets hard, you feel guilt.  I am very lucky-not even a hint of the baby blues.  I have been myself since day 1 and none of that has been any issue at all.  I am tired and exhausted, but happy and seriously, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So, here's some baby pictures!!  Here's her official one month photo:

Her professional newborn pics came in to.  I just finished doing her birth announcements, so hopefully those are in soon so I can mail them out.  Here's some of my favorites from her newborn shoot at 4 days old:

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Postpartum update

Kate Lyn is 17 days old today!  I can't believe how the time is going by!  So, how's it been going?

Well, Katy is a wonderful baby.  I am so lucky she doesn't have colic or anything like that.  She's been having some issues with gas, but it's getting better after changing up her formula a bit and adding some gas drops and keeping her on her tummy more after eating, etc.  She's gained some weight and is now 7 lbs 2 oz.  The gas is making her upset and she's up a lot at night and some during the day with it, but hopefully it gets better.  I'm tired, naturally, but honestly cannot complain since she's so amazing.

The only other issue and this has nothing to do with her, is breastfeeding.  I had a massive reduction back in 2002, where 12 lbs of tissue were removed.  I was a size II and they brought me down to a D.  I always knew I would struggle and sure enough I am.  I am taking supplements and pumping regularly.  Nursing didn't work out because I wasn't producing enough, she had issues latching, and then she wasn't even being rewarded once she did latch, so I spent all day trying to nurse and her screaming and it turned into a negative time for us both when I just wanted to bond with her, so bottle feeding and pumping has worked best.  I currently pump about 3 oz a day.  This is nothing, 3 oz is about one feeding for her.  So I pump all day long and it's gone in one feeding, which we usually do at night.  I'm continuing with the supplements and hoping it gets better, but some milk is better than none.

My post op appt with my OB is on 1/16 and at that appt I'll talk to him about the fact that I want to TTC as soon as it's safe to do so.  I'm not very confident in a natural or quick BFP, but I plan on trying.  I'll probably blog more about that once I start.  The plan is to go back to the RE mid to late summer if no BFP so I can do medicated treatments again.