Rocking Katie to sleep tonight and singing her songs I looked in her face and wondered, what would've Emma looked like? How would they have interacted? They'd share a room eventually, would they have gotten along? Would they like the same toys?
I thought about Emma a lot today. What would she have felt like in my arms? Cuddly or independent like her sister? What color would her hair have been? Her eyebrows were so blond at 19 weeks.
Emma, my precious youngest daughter, I miss you. I thought about you so much and wished I could hold you and see you. Well, I wish you were 21 weeks an growing in me, but I wish you were still with me. I still don't know how I'm supposed to get through this world without you.
It's not easier. I am not okay. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay, although I'm told that I will be. I still feel guilty although saying it makes people mad, so I've stopped. Why did this happen? I just want my babies back.