Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Baby Dust......

I've never been too fond of the term "baby dust" and now I know I will never, ever think of it the same way.  My "baby dust" arrived today.  Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I was so sick and so upset that my FIL took care of everything.  I wasn't even sure what I was receiving today, but I got a container with each baby.  I can now look for my own urn and I'm pretty sure I want them together.  I'm also working on a shelf for their memorial.

I have so many emotions right now.  I think more and more they're coming out.  I'm close to snapping for sure.  My tolerance is zilch right now for pretty much everything.  I feel guilt, anger, sadness, depression, bitterness, and lots of ugly on the inside.

DH and I just hugged each other and cried and cried.  I seriously don't see how life is ever going to be okay again.  I'm dreading the counselling appt tomorrow.

Here are the remains of each baby. 

This is the shelf I'm working on.  I want a table runner and then a frame pictures of each baby and also the piece of paper that explains what the bears are.  The bears displayed are made in size an weight to Emma and Chase, so I can hold them even though I can't hold my babies and remember them. 

Here's me on Monday holding the bears after I got them.  My friend Mary Ann made them for me.

Here's the papers that are lying on the shelf that I want framed.  I also want a picture of each baby on the shelf.

Emma and Chase, I miss you so, so much.  I love you with every fiber of my being and I'm so sorry for what I did to you.  Rest in peace my beautiful, precious angels.


  1. I haven't commented much since the loss of Chase and Emma because saying "I'm sorry" seems so insignificant after your loss. I truly hope that your counseling sessions will help you get through one day at a time.

  2. I love the tribute you are making for them. I found it comforting to have my babies ashes together. Hold those sweet bears and your family. You babies are with you and they love you so much.