They're dead. They're gone. There's nothing I can ever do to change this. Nothing I can do to make it right. No way to change the past, make different choices, maybe save them. Nothing.
How do I ever pick up the pieces and go? How is it ever okay again? How do I ever stop wishing I was dead with them? I know I'll never forgive myself, but what happens now? How do I make it through the next minute? 5 minutes? Hour? Lifetime? How?