Thursday, June 25, 2015

Emma-One month

It's been one month since I lost Emma.  In some ways I was pregnant ages ago, in some ways, has it really been a month?  It feels like it just happened.  I never thought I'd be counting down to how long it's been since I lost her.  I thought the countdown was until she was born and in my arms, not like this, but alive with her brother.

I'm doing better today than I expected.  I don't know if it's anxiety med or what, but I'm grateful.  I feel calm today and peaceful.  Honestly, I feel like she is with me.  I've "felt" her presence all day long and I don't care if anyone thinks I'm crazy.  I've been wanting to do a random act of kindness in her name, but so far nothing's really presented itself.  We'll see if it happens.  For now I'm content just to feel her presence and remember all the joy she did bring me and will continue to bring me.  She'll be watching over her living sister and her dad as well.

I miss my Emma.  I miss all that she would've been here and in this world.  I'd change it all in an instant if I could.  I love you Emma!  Mama's holding you in her heart forever.

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