Monday, June 1, 2015
Tonight is hard. I keep breaking down. I did okay with Katie most of the day and then it got harder after her nap, plus I was more worn out. Then David came home and we went to the park and there I saw them-sisters. One was 3 and was 20 months. Their mom said there was 19 months between them. Katie was going to be about 20 months older than the twins. It's been hard the rest of the night and then, like every night, I sang Katie Soft Kitty before bed. I couldn't make it through the song without crying and I haven't really stopped since then. David and I sang each baby Soft Kitty when we said goodbye. I can't believe I had to say goodbye. I don't know how I'll ever go on. I don't know how it's ever going to be okay. I wish my daughter didn't have to suffer because my body failed. My husband lost, she lost, and I lost because my body couldn't do it. And now no one's life will ever be the same. 2 lives lost and 3 changed forever.