And so here it is. A week since I said goodbye to Chase. A week since any hope of bringing home any baby was gone. I kept it together most of yesterday, but starting in the afternoon it got harder and harder. Last night I could hardly function and today I feel empty and sad. I feel it's just never going to be okay. I feel stupid. I thought when I found out twin B was a boy and I named him Chase, that it meant that he was going to make it. I thought he'd be saved because his name was Chase, but I was wrong. So wrong.
They were both so beautiful and so perfect and just too early. They were even good size for their gestational age. I don't know how I'm going to get through today, but right now I'll start with getting through this hour. Katie just woke up, so I need to make myself go in there and take care of her. She deserves nothing but the best.