Friday, June 5, 2015

peace and/or healing

I don't know why, but today for some reason I feel a gain of peace and/or hope that it's going to be okay.  I'm still very sad, on the verge of tears, feeling guilty, and missing Emma and Chase with my whole heart.  But there's something in there that says maybe, just maybe it's going to be okay.

I've gotten so much support. I mean, unbelievable amounts of support from so many people.  I'm humbled and feel I don't deserve any of it and can never give back all that I've gotten.  I'm so touched that people actually care about my babies.  They were here and they matter and everyone knows that.  Emma and Chase may have only existed physically in my body and in my arms sleeping, but their spirits exist for so many who've shown my family and I love and support.

I'm trying to do things with Katie and starting this Wed we'll be doing a mommy and me gymnastics class I'm excited and looking forward to.  My husband is taking off this Monday and next Friday since he has two more days of bereavement and we're going to do some things together as a family. Somehow, someway it's going to be okay.  I know I may not always feel like it, but at this moment I do.


  1. I'm so thankful you're having a good day, the moments will come that are hard to bear and they come without warning...but celebrate the good moments! The bad moments will become fewer and farther between and you'll have more good moments and that's ok too :). Emma and Chase mattered!

  2. Glad you're feeling better today. One day, hour, minute at a time....
    Have you read this blog? She went through a similar situation.