Wednesday, July 8, 2015


I managed to get in to see my acupuncturist last night and I'm so glad I did.  This man is amazing!!  I'm not saying every acupuncturist is great, but mine definitely is.  He's actually the president of the Oriental Board of Reproductive Medicine and specializes in women's bodies and health.

I hadn't seen him in a year.  I saw him when I was TTC Katie and went back to him when I was TTC a sibling for her.  DH lost his job and it took him six months to find another.  When he did, we were so desperate to begin treatments, we decided to just see the RE and give it one cycle and put everything on the credit card.  When my acu saw me, he could tell I had a story to tell.  He asked if it was okay if he saw a few others first to get them started on the needles and then come get me so he could spend more time talking to me.  He's awesome like that.

When he saw me I told him everything.  He gave me a huge hug after and how sorry he was I lost my babies.  He asked me the questions no MD had before.  Was my hair falling out?  How much?  How was my eating?  Sleeping?  He looked at my pulse, my skin for it's color and temperature.  Not if I have a fever, but how was it doing.  He said he could get me feeling better in a few days and my body where it needed to be in about six weeks.  I don't doubt him.

He did the needle treatment and about five minutes after lying there I felt so much peace and calm come over me.  I spent the time thinking about my babies.  Wonder if they hated me.  I think I might could learn to forgive myself I knew they did.  If they knew I honestly did my best with what I knew, with what I could.  That every single day of my life I will miss them and with they were with me.  I remembered holding each one, how they felt in my arms, looking at their faces, singing to them, wishing it had all been different, but trying to make the most of every second I had with them. 

As I sit here this morning I know if I'd gone to him when I wasn't feeling well, he would've seen the signs and they'd still be here.  I'm trying not to focus on that because I can't change it. 

I felt so tired after the session. More tired than I could remember, not just physical, but drained in every part of me.  He talked to me about the treatment plan.  Here is what I'm taking:

B-Complex for stress/adrenal health
ProOmega D for mood/stress
Inositol for mood
Adrenotone for mood/energy
Iron Response for extra blood support and energy.  He said even the 10 mg I was on wasn't enough that I needed more right now.
Folate 1000 for mood
Herbal Capsules-a blend he made called Raise Qi Formula. Qi is your "life force" or "personal energy flow" and is pronounced "chi".  For anyone curious, his blend contains the following herbs: Huang Qi, Ren Shen, Bai Zhu, Zhi Gan Cao, Dang Gui, Chen Pi, Sheng Ma, and Chai Hu.

He also gave me a meditation to do each night before bed. I looked at it last night and it's such a powerful one that I just read it since I didn't have the energy, physical or emotional to do it.  

He also gave me these tips: Beef and lamb stew (I don't eat lamb), with bones-add tubers like yams, taro root, yucca. Chicken Soup (this I can def do), and try to set a regular sleep schedule with initial bedtime as early as possible to get extra sleep and stay warm and covered at night, especially feet.

I slept last night like I hadn't in a long, long time.  I'm still tired this morning and could use even more sleep.  I ended up going to bed later than I'd planned to, but it's okay.  I feel better emotionally too, more "myself" and more together.  Seeing him was the right thing to do.

I talked to him about TTC some.  David and I were fighting over it, because I told him I don't want to do anything to prevent, I'll never conceive on my own. He said you never know and right now my body isn't well enough to carry a pregnancy.  We decided to let my acu decide and he agreed with David.  He said after this cycle it should be fine to not prevent. Even though I have a consult with the RE Monday, I don't plan on doing any fertility treatments until my body is 100% and emotionally I'm a lot more stable too. 

I feel lucky to have a good team behind me.  I have my MD's who are very good, kind, qualified people, who are good with the medical stuff, the blood tests, etc.  I have my acu who is good with the things not so easily seen who can really fine tune my body.  I think with my team, time, and all the love and support from family and friends I'll some how be "okay".  I'll never not miss them and I'll never "get over" it, they will always be a part of me, but I'll somehow learn to live with it.


  1. So glad you feel supported and have such a good team! I loved acup when we used to go! It was always so relaxing to me! Hope your consult goes great! xoxo

  2. This is a great post. I think you are making all the right decisions for you and your body. Your team sounds amazing and I just know that with their support, the love of your family and friends, and time, you will heal and come back to yourself. And to let you know, your babies DO love, forgive, and don't blame you. I started feeling that after about 3 months, but it is something you will come to know in time. Continue taking care of yourself.

  3. I had a similar experience a few years ago and it really is so difficult to try to live life again! I couldn't even look into a mirror for a long time but a friend suggested I see an acupuncturist, she said it would help me relax. It did more, it brought me out of the darkness! Lots of Love.