Sunday, July 26, 2015

Are you out there?

I've been wanting/hoping/praying for signs of the twins since I lost them.  I wish for the to appear in my dreams, I want signs in my day that they are somehow present, even if I don't understand in what form. I pray that they don't hate me. I want to know that they are out there.

Today I went thrift shopping for my mom.  I saw an area with stuffed animals.  I went to go look because more than anything, K LOVES stuffed animals.  I was looking at some rabbits and my mom pointed out one that said chocolate bunny on it.  It smelled like a chocolate rabbit. Too cool. This bunny had pink ribbon around the neck that said chocolate bunny on it, pink prints on the paws, and a pink nose. I glanced back at the shelf and grabbed a similar looking bunny.  I realized the difference immediately.  Same bunny, except where the other one had pink, this one had blue.  I froze.  In my hand I had b/g bunny twins.  I'm in a thrift shop and these are the only two like it, sitting right there.  My mom and I on impulse ended up at this thrift shop.  The other one we tried to go to was closed and we were headed to Burlington when we saw it and decided to stop in.

I put the bunny's back and started crying.  My mom was hugging me and asking what happened and all I could say was b/g twin bunnies. She saw me holding them, but didn't realize until I said it.  I got myself together and took a bear I initially looked at and left.

Sitting in the car driving to lunch my mind began to wonder.  Is this a sign from them?  Is it just life being cruel that I should see these bunnies?  It it just a mindless coincidence that means nothing.

I know what I want to believe.  I know what I hope is true. I miss them.  Two months today since I said goodbye to Chase.

Overall I'm holding up okay this weekend.  I don't know, but I felt some kind of peace come over me the past few days.  I was up early this morning though.  Oh and today is CD 1. 3 weeks of acupuncture and my LP was 3 days longer, 9 instead of 6.

1 comment:

  1. I saw "twin" things all the time in everyday objects after my loss. Somehow I always noticed. I don't know if it's a sign, but I do think that your heart is looking for connection to your babies anywhere it can. That's natural and although sometimes hard, also beautiful.