Thursday, August 20, 2015

Cycle Update

I debated even posting this because I honestly don't think many care.  I'm debating deleting/stopping my blog anyways. In general I just feel alone right now, which is fine, it just is what it is.

Anyhows...  I'm CD 4 today, starting my Femara yesterday.  Saturday I'll start Menopur and Gonal F 75 iu each and follie scan is Monday, CD 8 and then we'll go from there.

I'm feeling mostly blank.  I have no control over anything.  No control over if this works or doesn't work.  If it does work, no control if a live child is born.  I'm just numb and going through the motions right now.

8 comments:

  1. I don't comment on your posts mainly because I lack the words to convey how much my hearts breaks for you with the loss of your twins. I think you are brave to share your journey and my guess is that you help many more people than you know who are going through a loss as well but do not write about it. I know that me saying you are brave and that my heart breaks for you does not make you feel any better. I suppose that is why I have hesitated to comment. I just wanted to comment now so you know you have many people, whether or not they say it, rooting for you and your family.

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  2. I care. I wish you didn't feel so alone. Hugs.

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  3. I care! I think this is a part of grieving for you. I went through a similar stage both after I lost my first baby and going though ivf. Finding someone to talk to was helpful. There is a Facebook group for loss that I started to not feel so alone. It took time, my bff to me it took me 2 years to get back to 'normal'

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  4. I care too! But I think that feeling of alone-ness does stem from what is actually happening in life, but from what happens in your mind (no less real). Knowing nothing is in your control is really a blessing and a curse. I truly hope things work out this time. Another pregnancy and baby won't bring back Emma or Chase, but it may fill the hole in your heart just a bit.

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  5. I'm sorry you feel so alone Amber. That makes me so sad. I have a hard time keeping up with blogs these days, but I always read hours and my heart is always with you even if I'm not good at commenting. Sending you so much love.

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  6. I care. Praying for healing and a rainbow.

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  7. I read all of your posts, but like others have said, I don't really have words. I know there is nothing I could ever say that would help your pain.

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  8. Al though I don't comment much I'm always reading your post. Always rooting for you & your family, as all as praying.

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