Saturday, August 15, 2015


I've been pretty sick this week and meant to do an update a few days ago, but honestly, I've just been about survival as the school year began and I was heading back to work, plus being sick.  I saw my RE on Wed.

My thyroid is normal, there's no issues.  My prolactin was pretty low, but that doesn't interfere with anything apparently, so it's a non-issue.  My AMH is .49.  Since 2011 when I was first dx with DOR it's moved around a bit anywhere from .24-.69, so this puts this number smack in the middle.  He ran a baseline since I was 6 dpo and I'm cleared of any cysts or issues.

So, this means I'm medically ready to move forward.  The plan is much the same.  Femara CD 3-7 5 mg.  On CD 6 I start Gonal F 75 iu and Menopur also 75 iu.  First follie check will be CD 8 and we move forward from there.

DH and I are arguing a bit.  Only follies on my right contain eggs, not the left, per my E2 and other blood work has shown.  With my first pregnancy I had one follie on my right-Katie.  With the twins, I had two on my right.  While so far all the follies on my right have resulted in pregnancies, that doesn't mean they always will necessarily.  I told DH I'm comfortable with up to two follies on the right, DH wants to cancel the cycle if more than one.  

Medically, if another pregnancy results in twins, no physician has strong concerns other than the regular concerns for anyone carrying multiples.  My PPROM was due to chorio-an infection.  Incredibly rare and would've had the same result regardless of the amount of babies I was carrying. I did have pre-term labor with Kate, but they did stop it and she did make it to term. I know I'll be well monitored.  My PTL also occurred at 33 weeks, so I don't have IC (incompetent cervix).  My RE said he wants to do a cerclage if I conceive.  I did some research on it, and I honestly don't see the point.  It can't stop PPROM and can't stop PTL.  It's really only good for IC, which I don't have and in some cases can raise the chance of infection, which is why I lost the twins in the first place.  I want more info on his thinking on that, but now isn't the time to really decide this.  As far as how many follies DH and I will allow since we're disagreeing, we've decided to just see where we went up and decide then.  I'm leaving it in his hands.  One is better than none, two gives me better odds. I think my RE is comfortable with up to three.

Emotionally.  I'm just terrified. Like seriously terrified. Both a BFN and BFP worry me for different reasons.  I've thought about just cutting my losses and gains, but then I look at Katie and I want to see her grow up with at least one sibling.  And not just for her, DH and I want to raise another child as well.  We truly enjoy being parents and know another child will just add to our lives.  

I'm trying to go with let go and let God since I have no control.  I'm not religious, but I do have faith so to speak.  I have no control over anything.  A medicated cycle either will or will not work. And if I do become pregnant it will either end in a live birth or it won't and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  Most is beyond my control.  What I can do, I will, but the longer l live, the more I see that it just isn't much.  

Another thing is the EDD of this cycle will be around the one year anniversary of Emma and Chase.  Again, not that it means anything.  They were due October 20th and I knew I was never going to make it to that point, although I clearly never expected May either.  It's just in the back of my mind that I might need to consider celebrating a live child along with nonliving, I'll worry about it later if I need to. 


  1. Exciting and so many emotions and thoughts for sure! You are so brave.
    I know every one is different but my boys were born via the carrier 3 days before November 17 (the exact date I gave birth to Jude). For me, it made the 17th easier because I was holding his live siblings. <3 I'm rooting for you!!

  2. I have spent WAY too much time worry about EDDs that didn’t come to be because of failed cycles. I think just taking what comes is the only way to manage. That said, my living son was due the EXACT day we terminated my first. He ended up being born 4 days later- so 2 years and 4 days after our loss. It made the anniversary far easier to have a healthy little son.