Monday, September 7, 2015

Medicated Cycle #1 PP

I'm 11 dpiui today, 13 days past my trigger. I know this is early for some people, but my last two prior BFPs were at 9 dpiui and there's no indication whatsoever that this cycle worked.  Even how my cervix is situated is telling me on the progesterone is holding off the AF.

From this morning

Trigger fading into nothing

Closer look at this morning

I'll be cancelling my acupuncture appointments because I could really use the money, and honestly, I'm not doing better emotionally.  My physical health has returned and I'll go ahead and make an appt with the PCP to redo blood work to confirm all that, but pretty much I'm done until I'm ready to resume treatments.  I don't have the money for that right now. I may, however, seek counseling.  I'm not a good mom to my daughter, I'm not a good wife to my husband, and I'm not a good friend.  I'm barely keeping my shit together at work or at home and I'm going very much backwards in my emotional healing.

I'm back to fully blaming myself for their lives, especially when I look at pictures of me in early May, like Mother's Day, and how white I looked, how little I could do. I'm back to just crying all the time and basically popping valium all the time to make it through my day and just survive.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry. I know the extra heartbreak of a negative cycle after treatments and loss.
    I have started counseling and find it helps immensely.