Tuesday, October 13, 2015


Yesterday I started counselling.  I had my very first appointment.  I honestly don't have much to say about it.  I told her about Emma and Chase and pretty much my whole life story, which, like many others, is a whole thing on its own.  At the end she said she thought she'd be a good match for me would I like to come again so I said yes.  We discussed what days and times she had available next week and it was between Tues and Thurs.  I chose Tues since she had a 7:00 pm and Thurs was 5:00 pm and that's when Katie has gymnastics.  Well, when I walked out of the office and looked at my appt card I realized what Tuesday was.  It's October 20th, Emma and Chase's EDD.

At first I didn't like that.  I initially planned to take the day off, but I can't because of days and money.  So I was just planning on doing something after work, now I have the appt and so time is limited.  Part of me is like who the hell cares?  They were never ever going to be born that day.  My c/s was scheduled for 10/6 and that's assuming I even made it to 38 weeks. The date means nothing, they are as dead on the 20th as they are today.  It's just a date.  They were born in May anyways.  The other part of me just wanted something.

I only have one person IRL that I can really talk to about them. So, I guess the appt is good since I can talk to the counselor about them that day.  I dunno.  Just feeling very lost.  Because I had to mention a lot of things yesterday I have a lot of emotion floating through me.

I don't know how I feel about her.  I didn't get a bad vibe.  I guess we'll see.

RE consult tomorrow and then waiting for the tests to come in.  I need an u/s for my kidney at the end of this month too, just to make sure it looks normal.

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