Wednesday, October 28, 2015

IF vs loss

For years my life was about infertility. I made friends through a community and felt like there was a commonality. Now with loss I feel alone. Like no one understands. I have almost no one to talk to. People who were my friends rallied with me at the beginning, but every day I feel less support. On the EDD hardy anyone reached out to me, including other loss mom's.

I don't know what to think or what to do. I might ice my FB after Halloween until Thanksgiving and just post pics of Katie or maybe just screw it all together. I never thought of myself as the kind to deactivate my account. Maybe just create a new account for those I want to keep up with since I lose messenger when I deactivate. I don't know. I just feel I give more support than I get and I'm usually fine with it, but I'm having very hard days and feeling like very few understand or care.

I also GO a few BBC groups I might step down from and maybe quit that too. I just don't know.

Maybe it's just a perception and not reality. I don't know anymore.

9 comments:

  1. So sorry hun <3 It is hard because other people's lives go on and you feel like you are stuck. It was so hard for me to go into the "holiday cheer" when even my own family didn't feel the ache/pain I felt moment to moment. One day at a time. I did a "coffee" purchase for someone in their honor. Small, but because of Emma and Chase, it made someone's day.

    It's Brinly's actual "birthday" on Oct 30th (2 year mark) and I don't forsee anyone to say anything to me. It stings because I will be thinking of her all day. Loss is very isolating. Does your city have a group for loss moms like brief encounters? Hugs to you <3

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    1. I will think of Brinley on Oct 30th and light a candle in her memory. It is hard when not even gaily recognizes. You're just alone. Ppl stop talking to you because the answer to how are you is either surviving or struggle and ppl just want to hear okay or good and it's not. So maybe I need to hide fro people for now, I don't know.

      No support groups in the area and honestly I don't feel comfortable going to them. It just is what it is.

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    2. Oh and thank you for the coffee act. Means a lot that you did that.

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  2. I'm very sorry you haven't felt supported Amber. I think of you all the time and wish I could do something to help you. I don't go on BBC anymore because the emails were overwhelming my inbox and I just don't have the time. Keeping up with blogs are even difficult right now. But I hope you know that no matter how busy life gets, or what other people have going on, you are most definitely not forgotten. Hang in there. xoxo

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  3. I have to echo what Suzanne said. I didn't want people to remember my edd so I didn't mention it. I even turned my phone off that day. You are very much loved and very much Rene weed and thought of, prayed for often.

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  4. Thinking of you often. You are definitely not forgotten here.

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  5. I'm truly sorry Amber just because I don't comment doesnt mean I don't think about u. I wish I could heal ur heart someway somehow.

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  6. I'm sorry, Amber. I think about you every day and wish there was more I could do. It's not that I don't want to hear how you're doing or let you talk about your grief, I just am trying to respect your privacy if it feels like you aren't in a place to talk. I hope you know I'm always here.

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  7. I haven't been as "around" as I usually try to be. In all honesty, this month is usually hard for me and I tend to hide away a little. Plus the other stuff going on...
    Just know that I DO think of you and your sweeties. I hope this note now finds you feeling just a tiny bit better. These things have no manual on how to get through it.

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