Thursday, October 15, 2015

Testing results

Just wanted to update all that all my tests have come back from the infectious disease doctor. They all came back normal. Meaning I have no nutritional deficiencies and nothing wrong with my immune system that would cause me to get infections more often or worse than other people and that my immune system fights off everything as it should. There is no medical reason at this time as to why this happened or to indicate this would happen again.

It's no secret I'm not emotionally well. My husband and I talked last night. We will continue trying naturally since I've not had a natural conception ever and I went off birth control over 4 years ago. I feel a natural conception would almost be divine intervention and a completely different thing than one done via fertility treatments. However, we've decided that until I'm in a better place with my mental health we will wait for fertility treatments. Mainly my husband said I have to let go of the guilt and accept that there is no way I could've saved them and that I did nothing to cause their deaths and that it wasn't possible for me to prevent it either. He said once I can look in his eyes and let go of that aspect, we can resume fertility treatments.

I know this won't happen this month, it may or may not next month (latter part if it does). I think I'm probably looking at December or January. I'm going to do the very best job I can with therapy. I'm going to try any tools she gives me, read anything she asks me too, and accept the help.


  1. I"m so proud of you, Amber, and I think you and David have a good plan. I hope that you'll start to believe what we're all telling you. That you aren't to blame. That you have no control over nature. Sometimes it's just incredibly cruel and unfair. I'm glad you have set some goals for healing before you start fertility treatments again. I think that's a good idea and will make it easier emotionally when you do resume them. I'm so glad that everything came back normal, and though it can be frustrating not to get answers, I hope it gives you some peace that maybe this last year has just been very bad luck and nothing you need to be concerned about reoccurring in the future. Love and hugs, my sweet friend.

  2. This sounds very smart and practical. I think you really need this time to properly mourn and find the peace you deserve. I am also happy to hear there are no obvious reasons you can't carry a healthy pregnancy. This is good news for when you are ready to begin again. Many hugs.