Wednesday, November 25, 2015

6 months-Emma

It's been 6 months since Emma was born.  In some ways it seems like yesterday and in some ways a lifetime ago.  I know the "me" of 6 months ago and the "me" of today are not the same.  I know the "me" of today and who I'll be 6 months from now aren't the same either.  I'm not sure who I am or how I've changed.  I'm still in the middle of it all and some days are more clear than others.

I spent a lot of today thinking about Emma.  Who she would've been, what her personality would've been like.  How she would've similar and different from her sister and brother.  My middle child.  I'm a middle child too.

I started off doing okay, but midway through the day I struggled a lot.  I just missed her.  I wished I'd had more time, a lifetime.  I wished I could hold her and tell her I love her and how much she means to me.  I hope she knows that.  I'm still waiting for a sign.  I still pray and ask for one before bed each night.  I made it through my day though with Emma in my heart.

My precious Emma! For the rest of my life, I will carry you in my heart every single day.  You will never be forgotten.  I am lucky for the time I had with you, lucky that even for just a little bit, you were mine.  No one can take that away from me, from us. I love you, my sweet girl.

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