I just woke up and I'm smiling so big!!!! I've been desperate of a sign from them. Something that lets me know they're okay and they don't hate me.
I got a message from a friend last night about a RAK for my twins. She'd planned something specific to do on the EDD, but couldn't do it. She ended up being able to do it now, and wanted to tell me even though it was late she hadn't forgotten them and never will. Her message meant so much to me. I felt that alone was about of a sign.
It came at a good time as I'm having some guilt about this upcoming cycle and I went to bed with peace between the RAK and my toes (it's the little things).
Just woke up from a dream! Yes, a dream!!!!!! I finally had a dream about them. It was beautiful and perfect. It was just me and them and I got to hold them. They were a few months old and all I remember thinking about was wow if I had all 3 my hands would be so full with them and Katie! My dream was mostly snuggles with my babies. Feeling nothing but peace and love.
Now I want to cry because it was just so amazing and wonderful and I'm so grateful they did that. I feel like it's going to be okay. Maybe this is luck for my cycle? Maybe it's permission?
All I know is I got to be with my angels and it was beautiful and wonderful. There was no hate, anger, or anything negative of any kind. They were healthy and happy. It's all I've ever wanted when I think of them. Thank you Emma and Chase! Thank you so much. I love you yesterday, today, tomorrow, and with each breath.