Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Beta #1

It's been a crazy past few days.  At 12 dpiui I started spotting/light bleeding bright red.  I was scared out of my mind and convinced I was losing the baby.  It went off and on all that day and yesterday.  It stopped in the evening and honestly I've just been in fear.

Yesterday when I tested, my wondfo looked a tad lighter and I tried an OPK, which was negative.  I had one EPT I was saving for today (beta day).  This morning I peed on everything.




The scariest thing about the bleeding was the timing of it all.  Monday was 8 months to the day since I lost Emma.  The week before I lost her, I was at work doing my stuff.  I had to pee and when I went to the bathroom I was bleeding and I freaked out and we know what happened a week later.

So, here I am.  8 months later at that same building having to pee in that same bathroom and blood.  Sheer terror struck me and I couldn't stop crying in my office.

Exactly one year ago today I conceived Emma and Chase.  I remember that IUI.  I remember wearing my Katie necklace and hoping we'd make her a big sister and we did.  Now I've made Emma and Chase older siblings as well.  They are now my middle children.

Without further ado, I bring you beta #1 83.  I'll be honest, I'm scared, nervous, and worried.  My last two pregnancies were much higher than this.  The doubling is what matters, I know that.  I just can't help and be scared.  Everything scares me right now.  Everything.


  1. Congratulations and remember to take things day by day.

  2. I know how this feels- the fear of a positive, the fear of blood. Just try and hang in there.