Sunday, January 24, 2016

Medicated Cycle Results

Today I'm 11 dpiui.  Today I am pregnant.  I wasn't sure and I've one back and forth on are the lines getting darker?  Darker enough?  I'm terrified right now.  I keep thinking everything is a sign that I'm not pregnant or I'm having a loss.  I'm also happy and excited to be pregnant, but I feel guilty, so guilty.  I feel ashamed that I want this baby.  I feel bad that I will do better for this baby, things that might've saved Emma and Chase.

The BFP won't show up on a digi yet, but I'll do one before my beta.  This leads  me to my beta.  My beta is Wednesday 1/27. A year ago on that date I had my IUI, that's when I conceived Emma and Chase. There's a lot mixed in there with that.

I told DH today.  Katie is OBSESSED with Barney.  This is one of the songs that comes on a lot. 

I had Katie paint this and I added the words and Katie and I have it to DH today since ti's his birthday.  He's ecstatic.

I'm having so many thoughts and feelings and they all contradict each other.  I'm trying to go one moment at a time.  I'm still in counseling and I'll tell her tomorrow and that should help.

To everyone who's been there, your support, your prayers, everything have meant so much.  I'm still going to need them.  I want to post more, but I'm honestly just everywhere right now.  


  1. Such complicated feelings...but so hoping and praying this is your rainbow.

  2. Take the time to process your emotions don't be so hard on yourself. I think a congratulations is in order. Praying for you.

  3. One moment at a time is all you can do. It's also ok to have all these feelings. This post made me smile so big!