Monday, February 1, 2016

3rd beta

Today I had my 3rd beta and RE consult.  My prior betas were 83 and then 156, which was a doubling time of 52.73 hours.  Since my last two pregnancies had a much shorter doubling time, I was really scared and worried something was wrong.

Today my beta was 761, my doubling time was 32.8, a lot better and it puts my mind at ease.  This is my last beta and next will be the ultrasound on 2/17.  I'll be 7 weeks.  My RE is very happy with everything.  He wants me on a baby aspirin just in case and wanted to make sure I'd be seeing an MFM as soon as I was done with his clinic.  He typically keeps patients until 10-11 weeks and I'm only 4w5d right now.  I'll contact my MFM and OB tomorrow to see when they'd want to start seeing me.  He also agreed that I should be on progesterone the whole pregnancy.  A cerclage will be "as needed", since right now there's no indication I have IC and a cerclage won't help PPROM or PTL.

I don't think I've mentioned this in prior blogs, but we've chosen to nickname this baby "Ivy", This stands for for roman numeral IV, this is my 4th child.

I've been very up and down the past few days, especially today as the calendar turned to February.  I found out I was pregnant with Emma and Chase on 2/4.  I can't help but relive last year.  What I didn't take into account when I did this cycle at this timing was reliving a year ago, except now pregnant again.  I only thought about how I'd feel having Ivy in October and that part didn't bother me since the birth month of Emma and Chase is May.

I find it hard to be happy or excited or even hopeful about this pregnancy.  Why would Ivy live when the other two did not?  Also, what if people see this as a "replacement" or forget about Emma and Chase?  How to I parent everyone accordingly?  Just a lot of emotion going on and I find myself on a new level of grief as I'm trying to accept the possibility of new life, another baby, a different baby and none of this, nothing, will ever bring back my Emma and Chase.  I wish I got to have all 4 kids.  I'm just having a hard time with it all and I don't know if it makes any sense, but I just go day by day.

4 comments:

  1. You should read this blog post.. I feel like you could really relate to it, with what you are going through right now. I am sure I will feel the same way if I get pregnant again. I hope it helps you.

    http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/15-things-babyloss-parents-do-when-they-get-pregnant-again/

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    1. Thank you! This article describes so much of what I feel.

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  2. I know pregnancy after loss is a mind-F. Just hang in there. Someone, somewhere will think that Ivy (cutest nickname!!) will “fix” you and your loss- but rational people (and irrational ones with even a bit of sense) will know that’s not how it works. Remarrying after the death of a spouse doesn’t bring back your spouse- you’ve just chose to continue to live and love again- and that’s a GOOD thing.

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  3. Sending you love, prayers and peace. I'm so happy for you. I know it's a mix of emotions, but the joy will come.

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