Monday, February 22, 2016

The Fat Lady Has Sung

I called my REs office this morning and my RE was able to see me today.  Unfortunately, things haven't changed.  Ivy hasn't grown at all and definitely didn't have a heartbeat.  My RE and I talked and I decided to go with cytotec.  He wants to do an ultrasound after to make sure my uterus is clear.  I don't have the emotional strength to drop the script off or pick it up, since I've heard the stories of abortion comments from pharmacy staff.  No matter my opinion on abortion, this is a missed miscarriage, not an abortion.  I'd love to be refilling progesterone, not cytotec, but this is what it is and I can't change it.

After the physical part is done, I guess I'll make the world happy and go on my stupid little happy pills, because apparently it's not okay to grieve and it's not okay to be sad when bad shit happens to you.  No, being sad means you must need a pill, right?  Seems to be all I hear from people anyways.  Struggling, take a fucking pill.  Well, fine, I'll take all the fucking pills and everyone can be happy to see that I am "okay".


  1. You are allowed to grieve. I think you are doing your best. I am proud of you. I'm sorry all this is happening. I am. Thinking of you and sending my love

  2. I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you.

  3. I am truly sorry for the loss of Ivy and your loss of Emma and Chase. Its OK to feel - it's ok to grieve and feel all the nasty things that come along with loss. Be angry and sad and mad but somewhere along all of those feelings please feel hope. Keep a little place in your heart where you can go to. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow but on your own time. A little ray of light somewhere that will help you one day to feel happy again. Don't rush it - if you don't need to, it's important to feel. And please know this is not your fault- none of this. Please do not blame yourself, ever! Hugs to you, your husband and your daughter as you endure this difficult time.

  4. I'm so sorry :(
    Can you go to a fertility pharmacy an fill it? Sometimes that are more understanding