I'm having a hard time posting because the anxiety is so bad right now. I'm mostly hiding on the online world, but even this blog is hard. I want to hide and crawl under a rock where no one can find me. I want to just run away.
10 months now. It's been 10 month since I lost them. I'm having conversations with DH on what to do for their one year. Planning how to commemorate a year since they are gone. There is nothing I can that will ever show the magnitude that they are gone from my life. That this huge hole has been left.
On Thurs I saw my pcp. I told her I've been struggling badly with anxiety, she gave me Klonopin instead of the Xanax I'd been taking and then increased my Lexapro to 20 mg from 10 mg. This is my second day on it and so far it's been horrible. My anxiety it near panic levels, I feel agitated, paranoid, exhausted, even though I'm not really able to sleep. I passed out for 90 minutes yesterday. I'm just really struggling.
Had a second counselling appt on Wed. Went okay. Did a lot of background stuff and info and prepped for next EMDR session this coming Monday. I also have another appt Wed. Trying to double up a bit to see if I can get better quicker, because right now I'm struggling.
Interview also got moved to Monday morning, but I'm really not expecting much from that.