I'm pretty sure PTSD is hitting me right now. It's hard to explain. I'm trapped inside myself. I've had a few people check in on me and all I can say is I'm ok. I don't offer details, explanations, etc. People haven't been pushing. I find myself retreating and hiding, physically and figuratively. I can't engage right now. I don't know how. I perceive danger everywhere. Danger from what? I don't know. I'm just trapped inside myself and I can't explain it to anyone.
I couldn't go to a lunch today at work. Not with people who know what this week is, what tomorrow is. I do okay with people who don't know or people I know who won't ask me. I'm contradictory, because I want to tell people, but I can't. I'm trapped. I can't explain it. I went to a building I thought I could be at for work, but I saw the stuff of coworkers and knew they'd be back after lunch. I had sudden panic, like fear for my life, and had to get out and leave. I went to another building where no one is and I'm working from there. I feel safer, it's hard to explain. My fear is not rational, I know this. I'm trying to breathe, trying to remind myself it's okay, trying to stay in the present, in the here, and the now.