Tuesday, July 5, 2016

The "Hail Mary" begins

Yesterday, I started CD 1.  I somehow knew it would come on the fourth.  I just felt it.  However, when I woke up I had no sign of AF and then boom, an hour later, along with the fun cramping.  Luckily CD 1 is drink all the drinks, and well, holiday time, meant drink time, lol!

The synthroid has continued to be life changing.  Yes, that big a difference.  I can't explain how much better I feel.  I'm still in counseling, still working on things that happened to me, mostly in my childhood right now.  We bounce around a lot depending on my needs, but in case anyone was wondering, I still see her twice a week.

When AF started I also remembered 4th of July, three years ago.  I went to the ER, crying.  I was 16 weeks pregnant with Katie and I started bleeding.  I sat in the ER as I was being ignored, because I hadn't reached viability and just cried.  I knew bleeding past the first tri was bad news.  It ended up that I had a low lying placenta that was irritated.  I continued bleeding off and on from week 16-24 when the placenta finally moved.  Had it not, I would've been put on bed rest at 28. I ended up on bed rest at 33 weeks after being hospitalized for pre-term labor, but that's a different story. Yesterday was also the "new moon," hopefully a time for new beginnings.

The point is this is one cycle where I had a memory associated with Katie, unlike Ivy, who so mirrored the twins, at the time I couldn't separate the pregnancies, and of course, Ivy didn't get to home like the twins either.

This time, though, I had a memory related to the baby I did take home.  My pregnancy with Katie was scary.  I had a lot of things happen.  Me being ignorant and not wanting to be the paranoid pregnancy girl calling my OB or L&D every five minutes didn't help, but I've learned a lot and ultimately Katie was born only one day before her due date, perfectly healthy.

Anyways, so it begins.  I'm CD 2 today of my "Hail Mary" cycle.  I feel a million different ways, but right now I'm calmer than I've ever been going into a cycle.  I'm hopeful, but realistic.  I want baby "Mary" more than anything, but I'm aware it probably won't happen and I'll walk away from this with the four children I have.  One to raise, three angels who are with me in heart and spirit.

I'm focusing on "after TTC" projects. I'd like a redo on the master bedroom.  Paint color, new blanket, rearrange some furniture.  I have Katie's infant stuff in a room, so I can take pics and sell off and get her more "big girl" fun stuff. I'm going to be crushed and disappointed when it doesn't work, but hoping these projects will help distract me.  I've also started looking into "only child" groups, so I can focus on the positives and also make sure I'm giving her the best life I can.

Anyways, for now, I'm on my last chance to bring home one last baby. My schedule is this:
Femara 5 mg CD 3-7
Gonal F 150 iu CD 6-7
Menopur 75 iu CD 6-7

My first follie check will be CD 8-Monday the 11th.  My clinic was closed yesterday so I'll find out what time today, but I'm sure it will be mid morning.  If I look at prior cycles, I'll have my follie checks Mon and Wed. Continue with injections Mon and Tues (So CD 8 and 9), Trigger CD 10 (Wed) and IUI Friday the 15th (CD 12).

Painted my toes yesterday for good luck.  All kids colors are represented, including the child I hope to conceive and bring home.

Purple-Kate
Pink-Emma
Blue-Chase
Green-Ivy
Yellow-"Mary"

Please, if you're reading this.  Take a minute to say a prayer, good vibe, wish, whatever that this please, please work.

Let the games begin.......




4 comments:

  1. Praying so hard for you. I know how hard it is trying to be hopeful for a cycle to work. One thing I've learned through all those failed cycles is that when I couldn't be positive, my friends surrounded me and remained hopeful when I couldn't. So I am choosing to be hopeful for you that this cycle works and is a living sibling for Kate.
    Also, I'm so glad the Synthroid is making you feel better. It's crazy how connected our bodies are and how one thing thrown off can effect so many other systems.

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  2. Sending so many positive vibes your way. I hope this cycle works and u get to bring home a sibling for Kate.

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  3. Remember the Hail Mary got its name because it worked!

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  4. Praying this works, Amber!

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