Friday, April 28, 2017

One month pic and update

Time really flies. How is my Anna already one month old??? Seriously, I can't believe it. In some ways it feels like she's been mine forever, she just fits. In other ways, I'm still in disbelief that she's here, she's mine, and she's thriving.

I've had my struggles. I have PPA (Post-Partum Anxiety), I had it with Katie and so far it's manageable. I mostly get intrusive thoughts, every horrible infant abuse story I picture her. I constantly see her dead and I check to see if she's alive. I'm obsessed with making sure she's not starving, some of this has to do with b/f struggles, I know. I've had a hard time with her looking so much like Chase, because some poses are similar to the pics I took and that makes me think something is wrong and I go check on her. I know the similarity thing will change over time since he'll stay as I remember him and she'll change.

There is a new wave of grief as I think about all my kids and how amazing it would be to have all 5 with me, although insanely tough too. I think about how the twins might've been especially as newborns. I don't dwell on it nonstop, but it's there in the background. I feel incredible joy at having Anna and bringing her home, she's just amazing. It's this combo mixture that's hard to describe.

I struggle with BFing. I had a breast reduction and I can't fully meet her needs. I supplement right now. I'm having a hard time pumping, so I'm extra frustrated with it and right now I'm nursing, supplementing, and hand expressing to help add to her bottles. I see an LCBC next week and that should help. Trying to do all I can to keep production up as much as possible. I also take six different supps and a tea to help increase the milk. I started most of these within an hour of giving birth.

Katie has had a hard time transitioning to our new family. She went from being fully pee trained to several accidents. She wanted the pacifier (was never into this as an infant or anything), tantrums, getting mad when I was nursing or caring for the baby and choosing inappropriate behaviors at that time, not listening or following directions, just a lot of "non typical Katie behaviors" and it's been hard to see my sweet girl disappear. I also feel guilt because I did this, I went out of my way to try and have Anna and it caused all this in Katie. She's only three and doesn't fully understand.  However, the past three days I've had my sweet Katie back. She's been peeing in the potty, using her words instead of crying/tantruming/screaming, and she's calmed down a lot. I hope it's her getting used to everything, but time will tell.

I'm trying hard to meet the needs of both girl, the physical stuff and emotional. It's been a hard balance. Like most NBs, Anna sleeps a lot more in the day than at night and I'm lucky to have a DH who steps up on weekends to take Anna nights and then I get a few evenings a week to nap, but it's been a transition for us all.

Anna is an absolutely joy and sweetheart! She almost always has this half smile going on. She's very alert, likes to look around and see what's happening. She has good head control and can lift it for a good 30-60 seconds at a time. Most of the time she's very happy and she loves to be held and cuddles, which I love doing, lol.

So, without further adieu, here's Miss Anna Bell at one month old (yesterday).

For fun, there's a comparison between Kate and Anna. The similar posing is coincidence, lol! I don't think they look alike at all. It's going to be fun to see how Anna changes as she grows.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad to hear that Katie is starting to adjust. Hopefully you will all be able to settle into a good routine soon. I love that their poses are almost identical in their one month photos! How cute is that!?