For once I'm going to have a better update, a more positive one.
I've been on Zoloft just shy of 4 weeks now and I can't even explain the change in me. I enjoy being with my girls. I feel connected to them. I feel some happiness, like deep inside, and just so much gratefulness for my precious girls.
Katie and I had a date on Monday because I'm returning to work tomorrow full-time and we got haircuts, lunch, and mani/pedi. Well, mani/pedi for her and just a pedi for me. It was her first time at a salon and it was just so much fun. I truly enjoyed it and just felt so grateful that after the infertility, the tears, the losses, I have these two girls to raise.
I miss my others with all my heart, but it's not taking away from the joy these two bring me. Anna has smiles that go on for miles. She only cries if she's hungry or tired. Otherwise it's great big smiles and contentment. Big sister is getting adjusted more. Her BM issues are so much better, she's going in the potty regularly now. She's no longer afraid. She's interacting with her sister and helping soothe her when she cries and even plays with her a little bit. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I know it's only the Zoloft. I know without it I'd still be in that dark, gray place. I still hate that, but I'm glad for now I'm feeling better and can be a better mom, wife, friend, etc. I do feel robbed of my summer due to the ppd. You don't realize how bad it was until you feel better.
So, here I am, finally with a happier update. Ready to make the most of my last day with my girls before the craziness of work.